Jun 4, 2009

Wiwille's Justice League

The city brims with terror. Its citizens quiver with fear while the streets engulf the blood of the innocent. Darkness casts it's shadow over the filthy sidewalks. Gutter trash have paralyzed the good citizens of our fair community for too long. Their reign of evil is over. Seattle now has its savior. I am Mr Ravenblade.

Okay back to reality.

I was hanging with a friend last night who asked me how my day went. I told her I think I found the identity of a Real Life Super Hero who patrols the Puget Sound. She stared blankly at me for a while.

Yesterday a coworker sent me a link. Whenever I get a link from him I'm prepared to say 'damnit', for the sites he provides usually entail the bizarre. This article did not disappoint. It was a CNN report on Real Life Super Heroes, people who dress in costume and fight crime just like the fictional characters in comic books, sans the supernatural, unrealistic muscle tones, and cleavage so large you could hide a Volkeswagon in there.

The article chronicles a few RLSHs and gives them a chance to explain their mission statements. After reading it and browsing their registry site I found most of them seem harmless. Many just like doing charity work and being involved in community watch. I can't find fault in that. What worries me is vigilance can be dangerous. While stopping an immediate violent crime, which Mr Ravenblade claims to have done, is a good thing some jackass, who may harbor delusions of being qualified to prevent any law breaking, might make things worse by infringing on an officer's duty. Not having the appropriate training can get themselves or the citizens they're attempting to save hurt. This is why we have...wait for it...cops.

Still I was curious about Mr Ravenblade's identity. He made sure the reporters keep his a secret so that made it all the more interesting. I sent the article to a friend who shared in my interest. He found Mr Ravenblade's website and after performing some super secret ninja like internet ability found all relevant information regarding the hosting of it. Name, phone number, physical location, and email address were all provided.

Oh it's on.

His email address appears to be a Windows Live ID. I pass this information to coworkers and other friends who decided to reach out and make contact with the owner of the site politely asking him if he was the infamous super hero. Sadly none said "reveal yourself by 4pm PST or the hot nurse dies in a vat of boiling oil." He gave them all similar answers stating something to the effect of having no idea what's going on or why each has been 'the third person' contacting him about this. After all my friends and colleuges kindly thanked him for his time he kept the conversations going. What's interesting is that he later admitted to hosting Mr Ravenblade's site and being aware of this fact.

Hmm...

I go to site for his hosting company and find some revealing information. The design is the same as Mr Ravenblade's including fonts and background. Plus the grammar is almost identical from inappropriate use of asterisks to run on sentences with similar language. The theme of this site even parallels Mr Ravenblade's giving mission statements such as doing good and protecting the innocent.

What's most fascinating is that the hosting site gives free services to Real Life Super Heroes.

While this person can deny it we believe it's definitely him. My friends helped reveal the identity of a costumed crusader. Bruce Wayne this man is not.

Folks, this is why I love the internet.

I called a friend late last night and told her about this. She was highly annoyed by someone calling themselves hero. She said I should be his arch-nemesis and that I should challenge him to a duel. After looking at a picture of Mr Ravenblade on the CNN article, which has him garbed in a black leather trench coat, body armor, and a variety of non-lethal weapons, I believe a fight with him would not be wise. I don't carry any weapons of any sort, cause I'm all man, so he immediately has an advantage. If he agreed to lose the tasers and mace that would be another matter.

Best I could come up with is annoying him to the best of my ability such as writing graffiti all over town saying things like "Mr Ravenblade cries while he masturbates."

Villainy is not one of my strong suits and honestly I think people who engage in this kind of activity are best left alone. So far he's done no harm to the community and if he has done heroic deeds then I wish him godspeed. I want Seattle to be a safe and comfortable place to live as many do and if he assists that in any way then good for him.

If he does make the leap from hero to villain in any manner then I'll have no problem exposing him and his jackassery. Consider it a check and balance on the vigilante set. Someone just told me my super villain name would be Dark Sphincter.

God I'm a dork.

"I am a RLSH operating in the Seattle metro area, who seeks to organize and participate in charity events, fight crime whenever possible, and above all make my community a better place to live. I am actively interested in making the world a better place, and want to make sure my efforts have an impact while fostering good relations in the community. I also perform safety patrols both by myself and with other RLSH." - Mr Ravenblade

4 comments:

Mattbear said...

He admitted to part of it, eh? Dang, I thought I had it with the other guy I tracked down. I hate being wrong. Oh well.

Miss Ash said...

Seriously?? A grown man (and I use the term loosely) who thinks he is or tries to be a super hero and dresses up in a costume. I don't even know what to say.

Pablo G said...

I'll confess before being exposed... I knew you'd figure it out since we are on the same subnet, share the same router and fridge. Hence all the doughnuts.

JLee said...

OOh, I love a good mystery. I like your villian name. Every hero needs and arch nemesis.

"Mr Ravenblade cries while he masturbates."
hahaha