Jun 24, 2010

Dr Wiwille is in effect.

So it's true there has been talk between my fiance and I of when we'll start the child bearing process. While walking through various stores she'll see something and exclaim with unbridled excitement at how cute it would look in a nursery. When visiting her friends who happen to have wee ones I'm constantly reminded of how I need to get her pregnant ASAP so the little tykes can have a playmate.

Both Kelly and I agree that this should all be done after getting married, but that hasn't stopped her from dreaming about the blessed day of newborn arrival. She's been browsing the internet looking up information on how to have a baby girl. As we know they're all a bunch of wives tales and no real evidence can back up any of these claims, but since I'm all doctor like I have a few methods I suggested that may ensure we indeed spawn the fairer sex. This lab coat I'm wearing proves that I'm all sciencey and stuff. The staff at One Bad Apple have helped in this research and would like to inform you all of how to have a girl:

  • I have discovered that through massive amounts of oral boy sperm are the only ones that are being released. So if you want to save up the girlies for conception the guy must receive a good BJ on a daily basis.
  • Girls respond to estrogen so if you want the female floaties to really be active it only makes sense to have more females present. Yes that means a hot threesome (2 girls and 1 guy for those who are a bit slow) should be the norm of a couples' sex life.
  • Since it's been proven that women are more likely to follow orders under the influence of alcohol the man should be slightly buzzed before sex. This will allow the female sperm to respond to commands of 'mush' in their flight to the ovaries.
  • Manly foods should be consumed by the guy in order to drive out the girl sperm quicker. A healthy diet of steak and dark beer should be the norm.

So there you have it folks. You can trust such diligent research as me, Dr Wiwille, is known the world over for my love of all things scientific. This means if you doubt these methods you probably believe Jesus walked with dinosaurs.

"On October 28th, 1887, I became the mother of a girl baby, the very image of its father, at least that is what he said, but who has the temper of its mother." - Calamity Jane


wigsf said...

I've heard that listening to Led Zeppelin during intercourse also coaxes out the female sperm and makes it swim faster.

Anonymous said...

First of all I have to say that you and your Fiance are going to be great parents when the time comes, but for God's sake can you hurry it up! My child needs a playmate:)
Now on a more serious note: Please wear your your helmet while attempting to have a girl- rumor has it that that is how you will end up with that precious pink buddle of joy!

Anonymous said...

As the ultimate defender of women oh and your fiance, I have to say that you yourself have voiced your excitement to have a baby and especially a girl! Please people do not be fooled by WiWillie and his antics to protray himself as this tough man- he too is a hopeless romantic family man! That is right, though his love for star wars and star trek can scare me a bit, I am so happy that he and my best friend have found eachother and are getting married! I am probably one of the biggest fans of the baby planning since I have 2 girls that can't wait to see their Aunt Kelly have playmates (cousins) for them!
Please for the sake of all of us~wear your helmet!!

~The Fiance's Best Friend

Anonymous said...

WIGSF - that's excatly how I ended up with a baby girl. Kashmir to be persist!


Anonymous said...

Um. http://www.amazon.com/How-Choose-Sex-Your-Baby/dp/038548562X

However, I think it takes all the fun out of conception to turn it into a huge project to try and guarantee getting one gender or the other.

JLee said...

Thanks for sharing your wisdom, Dr. Wiwille! lol