Dr Wiwille is in effect.

So it's true there has been talk between my fiance and I of when we'll start the child bearing process. While walking through various stores she'll see something and exclaim with unbridled excitement at how cute it would look in a nursery. When visiting her friends who happen to have wee ones I'm constantly reminded of how I need to get her pregnant ASAP so the little tykes can have a playmate.

Both Kelly and I agree that this should all be done after getting married, but that hasn't stopped her from dreaming about the blessed day of newborn arrival. She's been browsing the internet looking up information on how to have a baby girl. As we know they're all a bunch of wives tales and no real evidence can back up any of these claims, but since I'm all doctor like I have a few methods I suggested that may ensure we indeed spawn the fairer sex. This lab coat I'm wearing proves that I'm all sciencey and stuff. The staff at One Bad Apple have helped in this research and would like to inform you all of how to have a girl:

• I have discovered that through massive amounts of oral boy sperm are the only ones that are being released. So if you want to save up the girlies for conception the guy must receive a good BJ on a daily basis.
• Girls respond to estrogen so if you want the female floaties to really be active it only makes sense to have more females present. Yes that means a hot threesome (2 girls and 1 guy for those who are a bit slow) should be the norm of a couples' sex life.
• Since it's been proven that women are more likely to follow orders under the influence of alcohol the man should be slightly buzzed before sex. This will allow the female sperm to respond to commands of 'mush' in their flight to the ovaries.
• Manly foods should be consumed by the guy in order to drive out the girl sperm quicker. A healthy diet of steak and dark beer should be the norm.

So there you have it folks. You can trust such diligent research as me, Dr Wiwille, is known the world over for my love of all things scientific. This means if you doubt these methods you probably believe Jesus walked with dinosaurs.

"On October 28th, 1887, I became the mother of a girl baby, the very image of its father, at least that is what he said, but who has the temper of its mother." - Calamity Jane