Jun 9, 2010


In my youth I often romanticized outlaw culture. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would tell them the safe, simple answer of being a pilot or photographer, but I was lying. I truly dreamed of touring the world on a motorcycle with a camera and a notebook in my saddle bag and make money with my art. Of course that never happened. And it never will.

I'm not a fraternal person so the idea of a motorcycle club sounds like complete nonsense. It also helps that I never saw myself in a career of organized crime. The idea of dry anal rape in a state penitentiary always scared me off of committing multiple felonies. It was always the loner life style that was the subject of my waking dreams, and for a while I thought it may happen.

Age crept up with me and the damning knowledge of what man really wants. As Americans we're taught from day one to enjoy and embrace the freedoms granted to us, but true liberty is something no one wants. Since the dawn of man we spent our existence protecting ourselves from the savagery of nature. If it were to happen that we break the bonds of law and order mankind would be forced to accept the responsibilities and consequences and that's something no one wants. We only desire to be comfortable and we'll accept any kind of tyranny that promises safety.

My mother once told me about the time her and my father were dating. My dad wanted to be an adventurer and planned on jumping on a ship in the San Fransisco harbor and sailing off to South America for a life he thought he could treasure. His relatives, knowing full well of his desire to live south of the border, convinced him he wasn't being fair to my mom, so he naturally ended the relationship.

A few days later he set off to board a boat to carry him to life few of us can even fathom. He packed up his things and drove to the wharf, but as he approached his transport he stopped, turned around, hopped back in the car. His true desire was to win back the affection of my mother. That's exactly what he did.

What I find most interesting, at least to me, is that I'm happy with the simple life I have chosen.When I look at her across the table and she gives me a quick smile I can finally clean my mind's closet and throw away the toys of my youth's imagination. I did not accept my suburban life. I embraced it. And all it took was a smile from her.

It's what I always wanted, whether I knew it or not.

"An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered." - Gilbert K. Chesterton


Miss Ash said...

Ummmm......you've gotten all sappy on us......next thing you know we'll be getting family christmas cards with you, Kelly and the dog all wearing matching sweaters :P

Anonymous said...

The story about your parents sounds like it's would be a good movie, one which I would cry during! How romantic