Jun 1, 2010

What you may not know.

I recently read an article that has 1000 quotes from random women concerning what men may not know about women and the dating process. Most of them are pretty obvious, but some were informative if not humorous. I think it's time men tell women what they may keep secret from the fairer sex.

Now it's more difficult then one would assume as guys are pretty easy to figure out. We're simple in our pleasures. We like nudity, beer, quiet time, and beef. Still there are some points worth mentioning. Feel free to include your own.

1. We consider the day that we beat Super Mario Bros, The Legend of Zelda, and/or Contra to be a holy day.

2. We read in the bathroom, because it's one of the few times we won't be interrupted by you asking us to do chores or listen to you yap. The hum of the fan also drowns out the noise coming from your favorite reality television show.

3. If you don't thank us for opening the door for you we hope you die in manners too vulgar for even me to write.

4. If you send us naked pictures or video it'll be available for the public the minute you break up with us.

5. We do get our hearts broken and do mope around about it for months, sometimes years. Although if you ask us we'll always say we're happy while banging Caribbean supermodels.

6. While we appreciate you getting all dolled up we believe you're at your hottest dressed down with your hair in a pony tail.

7. If we sit through Sex in the City, The Notebook, or The Bachelor without complaint or asking for a BJ afterwards it's a good sign we're shopping for rings.

8. None of believe we need fixing.

9. Many men will whine about their flu more than necessary to get you to wait on us hand and foot. No man needs anyone to microwave soup for them when they're ill. In fact they shouldn't moan about being sick at all.

10. When you complain about your looks to us we take it as a personal insult. It tells us that we're into fatties who are ugly and no man wants to hear that. If you're not happy with your looks shutup and do something about it.

11. The only thing we want to hear about your ex is how much of a better lover we are. Anything else is the equivalent to bamboo shoved directly into our eyes.

12. More often than not you don't look pretty pregnant, but we'll always say otherwise.

13. We're on our best behavior the first three months in the relationship. In that time frame it'll be the most attentive and sweetest we'll ever be. If you're not happy with anything we do in that passage of time get out, because it never gets better.

14. We have imagined your hot friend or family member naked on multiple occasions.

15. We remember what every girl we slept with looks like without any clothes on. Deal with it.

16. While we may say the waitress, FB friend, or any girl for that matter wasn't flirting with us we secretly hope they were. Don't be surprised. You like it when other guys flirt too.

17. It's been proven that there's an increase of endorphins when men look at hot women. It doesn't mean your any less attractive or that we're secretly planning a hotel rendevous. It's just science. We truly can't help it.

18. Men are not psychic and we won't be able to read your mind.

19. If we shop with you and stand by without complaint as you try on multiple articles of clothing without ever buying, it means we're in love with you, even if we haven't said it yet.

20. No person on the planet is scarier to us than your mother.

21. We often times screw up chores so we never have to do them again.

22. Part of the reason we watch news so much is that some of them have really hot anchor women.

23. We'll sleep with girls who act like idiots, but we'll never marry them. If you act like a clueless woman who has no common sense to get attention you'll definitley receive it, but no man you really want will commit to you.

24. The only reason we want to be friends with you after a break up is the possibility of a drunken hook up.

25. Sleeping with us to hook us into a relationship early in the dating process is the worst idea a woman can ever have. Just because you get naked doesn't make us feel like we owe you anything. In fact most of us consider that 'mission accomplished' and move on. If a guy's willing to hold out then he's willing to be around a long time.

26. There are plenty of women willing to get naked for us at the drop of a hat for whatever reason. Sure most of them may not be up to high quality standards, but it means you need to bring something more to the game than your looks. Behavior and intelligence does matter.

27. Like you we will always wonder about the one that got away.

28. We know we're not your first choice. If you tell us otherwise we know you're lying.

29. If you agree to spend the entire day not wearing a shirt we are like putty. We'll do every chore in the house.

30. Romantic comedies are fiction and we know you wish they were documentaries. Those stories never happen. Just accept it and be happy.

31. The only reason we choose nice furniture is to impress you. We could care less if our home was nothing but bean bags, nintendo chairs, futons, and milk crates.

32. We have wondered how awesome it would be if your roommate suddenly walked into the room begging for a threesome. Yes it has crossed our mind during sex.

33. We will spend quality time alone and we won't necessarily be thinking of you.

34. If we could care less about your orgasms that'll never change. If a guy can't take the time to at least try he will never be bothered to so in the future.

35. While they may be fine upstanding individuals who are a credit to the human race we fantasize about making your ex bleed.

36. Often times a guy will say and do anything to get laid. I mean it. Anything.

37. We judge you by the company you keep.

38. You'll never be one of the guys.

39. Even if it's not true we think your male friends want to sleep with you.

40. We often wish our female friends want to sleep with us.

41. We think 90% of your chosen entertainment sucks.

42. Yes we have looked at your FB page long after your dumped us.

"I've been in plenty of situations where someone I'm dating had more time for a console than me." - Josie Maran


wigsf said...

1. March 3rd, 2001 - The day I finally beat Pool of Radiance. Only took me 12 years, but I did it.

2. Sometimes, I'll go in there and just hang out. Won't even be using the toilet.

3. If you'd like, I can write without shame.

4. Sometimes, before the break up, hence the break up.

5. Or those chicks who pose on top of cars in calendars.

6. Love the pony tail!

7. If the woman offers up the BJ, the ring will be twice as nice.

8. I'm perfect, bitch.

9. Who doesn't like being waited on hand and foot.

10. Or just shut up. I'll settle for shutting up.

11. Our eyes if we're lucky.

12. Everything said to pregnasaurs are lies.

13. As opposed to women who spend the first three months lying about their entire existence.

14. Just be thankful it's just imagination.

15. As long as we remember it, we don't need to see it again.

16. But if I catch a girlfriend flirting with another guy, I'm getting her fitted for cement shoes.

17. Can't blame a guy for science, especially if he doesn't understand science.

18. Can barely read paper.

19. Which is why words are meaningless. It's actions that matter.

20. Or possibly father wielding a shotgun with the serial numbers filed off.

21. I can teach you how to break the vacuum.

22. Marcia MacMillen. Hottest girl in Weather Network history.

23. Those girls are sluts and they serve a purpose. Practice.

24. Or sober. I'm not picky.

25. But I've seen it work on some guys.

26. I'll settle for good taste in music.

27. Which is why we fish.

28. Oh hell, if your lips move, we know you're lying.

29. I'll build a woman a new house if she goes pantless.

30. Unless that delightful Meg Ryan is involved.

31. I sleep on a pile of old rags.

32. And just ignore that slip of paper I slid under the roommates door.

33. We need our fantasy baseball time.

34. The female orgasm is a myth.

35. Please ignore that bloody knife in the sink.

36. Some men will even get married just to get laid.

37. In other words, nix the trailer trash friends.

38. We don't want to get BJs from the guys.

39. Because they always do.

40. Because they have vaginas.

41. Two words: Grey's Anatomy.

42. Bookmarked it.

Heff said...

Good God, men ! You're giving out confidential priviledged info here ! Delete this post immediately !

JLee said...

Funny, but sadly disappointing at the same time?

Miss Ash said...

Okay I just left a comment regarding #2 on WIGSFs blog cause he mentioned reading in the shitter. I still don't get why anyone would want to spend a long amount of time in there.....