Wiwille lights fire, ends poorly.

Friday night the wife and I had my brother in-law, his wife, and my sister in-law over for drinks and games. Kelly suggested I light up a Duraflame to which I did. I head back into the kitchen and see smoke billowing out of the fireplace.

Holy hell I forgot that I closed the flue the other day. I ran over to the fireplace, open the flue, latch it so it would remain open, and walk away. The flames started reaching upward which was a good sign. The wife was nervous that something would go wrong, but I assured her everything was ok as I had everything under control.

I make my way back to the kitchen to grab myself a drink. We all started talking amongst ourselves, but then Kelly noticed smoke rising towards the ceiling. I go to the fireplace and find that the flue has decided to unlatch itself and was halfway open. Flames did shoot up the chimney, making it impossible for me to open it again without getting a third degree burn. We decided it would be in everyone's best interest if I use the one use fire extinguisher.

Kelly couldn't even look as I grabbed the thing from under the kitchen and made a horrible mess. The white fireplace was all kinds of gray and the place smelled like the inside of a BBQ grill. Russ and I open all the windows and doors as the wife, Kristy, and Kenzie huddled near the front door.

These events did not amuse Kelly. She stated with a wry smile that I was lucky we had company. It kind of reminded me of the time my mother chased Dad and I with a broom after a wrestling match resulted in breaking a closet door. Damaging a woman's home can inspire wrath that will make a man surrender faster than the French. Thankfully Kelly was very composed.

I kept a smile as she busted out cleaning products and Kristy attempted to keep things in good humor. Four of us started scrubbing the fireplace, but the wife decided that using rags wouldn't suffice. She busted out a cleaning item, but I wasn't paying attention to what exactly it was. Sprinkles of water and solution hit my face, but then Kristy announced the following:

"Is that a toilet brush?"

I jumped back from the fireplace announcing that my face was awash in the remnants of said brush, but Kelly announced it was not a toilet brush that was being employed. We then cleaned as much as humanly possible, but the fireplace continued to have a grayish tint.

Kristy stated this whole event reminded her of a sitcom, which I can see. The heavy set, bungling husband screws something up, the out of his league wife gets annoyed and attempts to fix it, in-laws are poking fun at said event, and in the end we all made up and had a good time playing games and drinking. Thankfully this was not filmed before a live studio audience.

Well there may or may not be video of the aftermath...

Happy St Valentine's Day, or Single Appreciation Day, to the fine folks who read One Bad Apple!

"I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself." - Robert Orben