My friend sent me a link to Craig's List where a person decided to rant about how he hates Seattle and everyone in it. Listed below is his rant with my comments in red:
I hate you all
You can't drive in the rain and it rains 6 months out of the year. (This is only partially true. Seattle people can't drive worth shit rain, snow, sleet, nor sunshine.) You have no tans (That's a reason to hate us? It's like this guy is demanding white people need to go fake and bake and enjoy the benefits of skin cancer. Weird.) or inclination of what the fuck to do when the sun comes out (?). You slurp down coffee as quick as the liberal bullshit you swallow. (Damn you coffee slurpers. I hate your caffeine drinking habits.) Your women are tree hugging feminist (I've met tree huggers. I've met feminists. I've never met a tree hugging feminist though. I guess I need to get out more.) with more bush than the oval office (I guess this guy is a proponent of women shaving themselves to look like 12 year olds, which is messed up when you really think about it. Dude one day it'll be trendy for guys to do it and I fear that day as much as Armageddon. Regardless that line he wrote was pretty clever) Your micro brews are shit (Now you've done it. You've attacked our coffee and women, but now you've attacked our glorious beer. Them is fighting words pal.) as well as most of your sports teams (Yeah you got a point there. Seahawks are way overrated and I'll have granchildren before the Mariners or Sonics see a championship. But hey what about the Seattle Storm? Oh I guess only those tree hugging feminists watch the WNBA). Your city engineers could not build a fucking road wide enough to fit 2 meth heads side by side. (Yeah our transportation system is beyond ludicrous). You wouldn't notice because your to busy talking on your fucking cell phone (Yeah and that's a problem only limited to Seattle. You sure won't find that in LA or Miami). Your hospitality is as warm as your weather. (Did you really have to steal that line from 'Robin Hood Prince of Theives'. I mean seriously what do you expect? Should we invite strangers into our homes for dinner and have them sodomize our wives in the back of our gas guzzling SUVs?) I think starbucks sucks ass (Yeah I hate that law that says you must drink it too) and I am going to shoot myself if I hear one more fucking fund raiser on your shit radio stations (Two words - satellite radio. Or better yet just go ahead and shoot yourself.) Your so narrow minded the only comment you can counter with is how poor my fucking spelling and grammer are. (Well I can't counter with that. The whole stones and glass condos thing bites me in the ass again.) Thats ok I didn't really expect much more. (Well you won't mind this post then) I wouldn't want you to have to think any more than your piss poor public education has taught you. If it was not for the hookers that walk Federal Way (there are hookers in Federal Way?), you wouldn't have any tourist attractions. (You want gaudy theme parks filled with annoying tourists? Dude move to Miami or So Cal.) Your six flags is about 4 flags short of a theme park. (And oh how ashamed we are of that) One more thing before I go (Oh yes please fill us with more of your widom). If my little rant has upset you (Yes your opinion means everything to me), enjoy the fact that your freedom of speech and right to express yourself was protected by the very soldiers your fucking hippie parents spent their youth shitting on (Yeah go ahead and place that yellow ribbon on your car oh glorious defender of our fighting forces. Whatever makes you sleep better). I hate you all. (Then move or pick fights with every single one of us. You can start with me).
I can't imagine how your charming personality doesn't help you fit in with us Seattlites. Seriously if your life sucks that much here in the northwest make a change you coward.
"My wife and I just prefer Seattle. It's a beautiful city. Great setting. You open your front door in the morning and the air smells like pine and the sea, as opposed to bus exhaust." - Ron Reagan