Nov 25, 2006

It's cool being me.

In honor of Rawbean's request I will write why it's easier to be a guy than a woman. If you're already sick of my over opinionated rants then this post may not be for you.

I love being me and not just because I'm the best looking guy ever, well not really, but still being a man is simple. I'll never have to suffer childbirth nor has anyone ever called me a dirty whore, well at least to my face. I've never had someone tell me I would look better in expensive makeup. If I ever run for politics the fact I have a penis will increase my odds at winning. A lot of men expect women to look like Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johannson, Grace Kelly, or Audrey Hepburn. I've never felt frightened on a date. In the rare occurrence a girl actually hits on me and if I'm not interested I can simply tell them that and they leave me alone. Hygiene is less complicated for me. I use less toilet paper.

I really could go on forever about this.

There are a few difficulties being male. You are expected to take out the trash, open jars, fight a group of bikers if they comment on your girlfriend's boobs, and always give the right answer to difficult questions. You know what questions I'm talking about. 'Do I look fat in this' is always a terror. Breaking up with women can be a harrowing experience. Some men feel compelled to always buy the drinks.

The most frustrating thing is trying to decipher female speak. Having to crack the code that is what women say and what they really mean can be as simple as quantum physics. I believe this is the reason men die before women.

All that being said I'm not the bastion of masculinity I'd like to be. I sit in a cubicle at work instead of cracking skulls in mixed martial arts fighting. I like musicals, romantic comedies, and theatre. Andrea once said I'm the most feminine man she's ever met. I would've cried when she said that, but I never cry...ever...

I'm so glad I'm male.

"To me the definition of true masculinity - and femininity, too - is being able to lay in your own skin comfortably." - Vincent D'Onofrio

3 comments:

Grace said...

Men are the greatest! I can't say that I wish I was one (because then I wouldn't be able to do what I do now, which is drool all over men and think dirty thoughts about them), but gosh do I love them.

rawbean said...

I think there are advantages to both sides. Yes you don't have to endure childbirth, but then you don't get to feel the same connection that a mother does.

We can cry whenever we want and not feel ashamed!

Plus I don't know how you guys walk around with that fifth appendage! Seems like a pain in the ass to me. Oh and you have to worry about size! Ugh!

I'm happy being a woman.

Andrea said...

Yes, I do believe you are the most feminine man I know, HOWEVER, you are also the most awesome MAN I know. You, my friends, like me, have found the perfect balance of the two sexes. I LOVE being a woman for the most part. There are times when I get sick of paying 10 times as much for my underwear, clothing, deodorant and the like, but I have learned when to take advantage of my feminine whiles for good and well, sometimes evil. ;) And btw, I have been told by MOST of my male friends that I am too blunt and honest and I intimidate men. Go figure, a lot of men LIKE the “trying to figure women out” bullshit. ~ Andrea