Jul 8, 2010

Dungeons & Dragons

I have many friends who enjoy playing role playing games. A few of them like the classic dice game of Dungeons & Dragons. If I was ever invited to play I had to relay the tale of my one and only experience being a fantasy warrior.

I was in high school and had a science class with a Game Master, someone who leads the game mechanics and play. He had some D&D books out and I asked about them. After some small talk about the game he invited me to his house to play that weekend.

I attended and actually found myself enjoying the fantasy world of Dungeons & Dragons. My only prior knowledge of the game was largely due to my church, which warned parents that their children would become homosexual Satan worshippers if they involved themselves in the role play. I was also a huge fan of the short lived cartoon, but I hated the fact that they made the character Eric a candy ass. Still I caught on quickly and enjoyed the math behind the game and the creativity of the character building. It was really fun.

After we were done playing the Game Master asked if he could borrow my science book as he lost his and we had a test the next week. I offered it to him, as it was in my backpack, and made him promise to return it by Monday.

Monday rolls around and I see him in class. I ask him for the book, to which he said he didn't have and wouldn't be returning soon as he's not done with it. I told him I could care less if he was done with it or not that he was to return it the next day. He didn't like the fact that I was giving him orders.

GM: I'll give it to you when I'm done.
Me: You'll give it to me when I say you will.
GM: Fuck you.
Me: No no no no no. It is you who will be fucked if you don't return it tomorrow.
GM: You threatening me?
Me: I'm promising you.

He stood up and knocked over his desk. I did the same. The teacher ran out of the room to get help.

Quiz time folks. If you're me in this situation do you a) try and calm him down and reason with him, b) try to resolve the situation peacefully by offering to study together, or c) kick the ever loving crap out of the jackass? If you answered a or b you certainly are a better person than I.

We stared each other down for a few seconds and he gave me a threat I'll never forget as long as I live.

Me: ......what? A level five....what?

He shoved me. The rest of the incident happened as you'd expect.

My coach ran into the place and pulled me off of him. I don't remember saying this, but it was told to me later that I yelled something about how his level five hex is pussy shit. He was taken to the nurses office for various wounds to the face. I was put in in-school suspension for a week.

I was never invited to play D&D again.

The dice in the game symbolize witchcraft in my opinion....These parents, who have been playing the game for as long as 25 years, are encourging their kids to engage in theft, murder, rape, and dishonnesty. The graphic and brutely savage language these kids use to commit these acts in the game are so appalling....I have had nightmares about the game since I have been playing; nightmares of the game getting out of hand and becoming too real." - Catholic Answers forum


Mattbear said...

Level 5 Hex? Wow, you must have made your saving throw. :)

It shouldn't surprise you that I had a huge collection of RPGs back in the day. Fortunately, I outgrew that phase some time ago.

But even I would have kicked that guy's ass. I hated people like that - they gave the rest of us geeks a bad name.

wigsf said...

after level 5 hex, i would have pissed my pants laughing in his face

Anonymous said...



wigsf said...

In honour of this post, I offer up the following movie to be reviewed:
Mazes and Monsters