We've all had the conversation about what we would do with our lives if we won the lottery and money was no longer an issue. I had this conversation with my friends Corey and Quoc a while back. Both stated they would buy a huge house somewhere and live like a king. I stated that I wouldn't even bother owning a home. I would just live out of hotels as I travel from country to country. A nice life I would lead I think, but another man has won a contest that I think I may like better than cash.
That man was hailed as the nation's top beer fan and won a lifetime supply of beer and a chance to come up with his own recipe. Now imagine this. A lifetime supply of beer. Beer. Glorious never ending beer for ever and ever. Every day you can consume beer for free. Just imagine the possibilities of constant inebriation.
Then again there is the trouble that beer can get you into such as vomiting in public, urinating in public, streaking a church picnic, disorderly conduct, waking up without beer goggles and realizing you took home the ugly one, finding yourself in a different county without any idea of how you got there, etc.
Not that I've ever done those things. Nope. Moving on.
Cheers to you oh winner of free beer for life. May your liver be strong.
"Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world." - Jack Nicholson
I was doing laundry last night and flicking through the channels. I came across a program on ABC called Primetime: What Would You Do? The premise was a hidden camera show where they stage certain events and catch the reaction of the public.
First off they had a Muslim actress dressed in a burkha-esque outfit being kicked out of a bakery by another actor playing an employee. The employee was ordering her out for not being an American and a threat to the customers. Some of the other shoppers agreed with employee, more confronted the man's bigotry, but most just kept quiet and observed the event with curiosity.
The program went as about how'd you expect. The Muslim girl watched the footage later in tears as she has been the victim or real bigotry before. A valuable life lesson was learned and ABC producers can take time from screwing high dollar hookers to remind us all that prejudice is alive and well in America.
The show went on with other segments. One had three teenage actresses bullying another actress calling her names and taunting her in a park. Passerbys would confront the girls often mocking them themselves. What was interesting is when the girls started dressing all "gangster" and used violent rhetoric people were less confrontational which was sad.
ABC would like to remind you that standing up for justice is a noble act and used strange methods to illustrate the idea. Although it's an ideology I agree with I wonder sometimes what I would do in such situations. I imagine if I encountered something of that nature they couldn't air it due to FCC regulations. The dialogue would be incomprehensible as most of it would be a bunch of beeps.
Evil exists because good men do nothing, but I'm sometimes confused as to what is an appropriate action. If I encountered kids ganging up and beating the crap out of another kid should I use violence to stop them? Would I be under the threat of a lawsuit? Should I just go after the parents? Would it be better to break into their homes and urinate on their Xboxes?
The last segment intrigued me the most as they had an engaged woman eat a restaurant with an actor. The groom-to-be's best friend then enters the restaurant and sits and watches the woman flirt and get cozy with the actor. The friend was mortified and texted his buddy who was in on the whole thing. The soon to be married man shows up at the restaurant after the female and her companion leave. After much stress the guy breaks the news to his friend that his fiance was cheating on him. What was shocking was that the guy tried to calm down his friend and explained to him that if he loves the woman to fight for her and not call her a whore or anything like that. He really wanted his buddy to be sensible about it and to always respect the woman.
Well I guess it beats my 'go out and bang her sister and her best friend right now, preferably at the same time. Oh and in public' method. I guess I'm not that great a friend.
“When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one…” - Edmund Burke
In keeping with my nomadic existence I'm moving again. The owner of the townhouse I live in is moving and rather than get a bunch of roommates that I'm unfamiliar with and continue to pay an exorbitant amount of rent for a room that's the size of a closet I decided to pack up and move back to Renton.
Ahh yes Renton, the trashy suburb of Seattle. Giving that I'm moving away from Martin Luther King Blvd I'm sort of like exchanging one ghetto for another. Still there are things I'll miss about living in that area such as the self proclaimed Baddest Nigga in Seatown, aggressive pan handling, naked neighbors, and the knowledge that I could score just about any illicit product easily given the desire.
Goodbye to you old neighborhood. It's been interesting as well as surreal.
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." - Martin Luther King Jr
Films about war seem to be failing at capturing the public's attention. Maybe it's due to the current war our country is facing is burning movie goers out, but really Hollywood hasn't delivered a high grossing war film in a while.
The Hunting Party is a different kind of war film if you can call it that. The story is set five years after the conflict in the Balkans. Veteran journalist Duck (Terence Howard) returns to the country where he once risked his life as a cameraman. He reunites with his award winning reporter Simon (Richard Gere) who's now struggling to find work after an on air meltdown.
Simon approaches Duck with a huge story. Simon believes he's on the trail of The Fox, a former Serbian general and hunted war criminal. The two of them join up with a network vice president's young son and traverse the Serbian countryside hoping to locate him.
The film is different then what you might expect as it's loaded with dark comedy, which I love. The acting is natural and direction is about as strong as you would expect. The script is not entirely all that exciting, but it is very clever. Some may find the elements of war and comedy a little muddled, but I enjoyed it.
As you are well aware I'm a huge fan of dark beer. I believe good beer is my favorite food group and should be included on Maslow'shierarchy of needs. The story I'm about to relate is further evidence that there's little beer can't do.
An armed robber entered a store wielding a knife while demanding money. One woman didn't take to kindly to the guy's attempts and disrupted his thievery by throwing a full can of beer at his skull. After feeling the beverage connect with his head the guy ran off.
We need more women like this. I hope she threw crap beer like Bud Light or Kokanee.
I'm feeling in a bit of strange mood today so I'll post the most misogynistic scene ever from a James Bond film. I remember watching it with my Dad recently and we both laughed out loud. Not surprisingly my Mom did not.
"There are women who take it to the wire. That's what they are looking for, the ultimate confrontation. They want a smack." - Sean Connery
My readers seem to enjoy submitting films that are somewhat outside the mainstream. While there's no such thing as a truly independent film that makes it on the shelves of a DVD outlet there are a few that can come close. Since I started asking readers for ideas for films to review I'm really amazed at the quality of movies I've sat through. Kudos to all of you, well except Greg for making me sit through that damn White Trash...errr...White Water Summer.
Scott submitted a true gem of a film entitled Once, an Irish musical shot on a seemingly low budget. The story follows a chance meeting between an unnamed street musician and a Czech girl who sells flowers to passersby’s. Lured by his music the girl befriends him quickly and through their getting to know each other process he finds that her musical talents are equal to his in a very touching scene where they collaborate on one of his songs.
His story is a simple one as he writes his music based on his pain of the memories of his ex-girlfriend. His newfound friend also has a past being a single mother in Ireland with her baby's father living in her homeland. Together they find simple happiness in the music they share and before long they make plans to form a band and record an album. Further driven by his quest to get the album produced he harbors some fantasies about taking it to London and maybe proving his worth to his ex as well as himself.
Yes the story is simple, but that's a strength rather than weakness. The film is shot mostly in handheld cameras, the actors are hardly debutants, and the makeup, sets, and other details are hardly polished, but that's the point. The movie works in its simplicity and realism, but yet it's never cynical which is all to rare in cinema nowadays. The plot is uplifting and has an ending that ends on, if you'll pardon the pun, the right note with a conclusion that you didn't see coming, but can't call it a twist. The characters are good, but somewhat flawed, just like you'd imagine them to be. Yes it's a musical, but it's hardly the stuff of song and dance Rogers and Hammerstein. This is as much a musical as Walk the Line was, but with more heart.
If you haven't figured it out that I highly recommend this then I failed as a writer. Thanks to Scott for submitting this.
Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.
"It deserves to be seen and offers more real human emotion than most of the year's would be box office busters." - James Berardenilli
A while back I posted about a movie you should all want to see. You probably won't, cause you'll be more interested in some Dane Cook alleged comedy, but I have evidence of why you should see The Boleyn Sisters. Yes that evidence is pictured above left.
You're welcome.
Okay so I don't have much to write about today. Content is king, but lately it's lacking here on Erik's Ramblings. It's hard to come up with great ideas as I lounge about next to my Olympic sized pool, which is shaped like the middle finger, and Hawaiian Tropic models read me the news in lingerie. Maybe I should fire my staff. They kept stealing coffee and wanting something called a wage that complies with the law and an indoor bathroom. Ungrateful serfs all of them.
"If you're an actress or a musician, everyone thinks you're hot." - Natalie Portman
I was listening to NPR last night and they were reporting about Kosovo declaring independence from Serbia. Nations are split about recognizing their succession and some, like Russia, are claiming that it violates international law. Tensions are mounting as Serbia has given the boot to the US ambassador given our support of an independent Kosovo. Does this sound familiar at all to you? No?
You stopped reading haven't you? I could type anything here and no one would be the wiser. I recently pulled a Yugo out of my ass and drove it to the big top candy mountain where I played strip Battleship with various heads of state as peyote was passed between us and Dan Rather pontificated about how he believes there should be more breasts on the evening news while members of the Skull & Bones......
Okay that got silly.
"If there is ever another war in Europe, it will come out of some damned silly thing in the Balkans." -Prince Otto von Bismarck
In a world growing far more cynical I suppose the production of Bad Santa was inevitable. This is quite possibly the crudest film you'll see this side of geriatric porn.
Billy Bob Thorton plays Willie, a hard drinking, chain smoking, lover of anal with fat women who happens to have a talent for safe cracking. Him and his partner in crime, a short person, work as a department store Santa and elf respectivley. Willie is foul mouthed and belligerent with the children as the elf tries to keep things running smoothly. After their job is done they burglarize the store and live the rest of the year off the loot.
One job in Phoenix takes them on unexpected turns as a love interest is introduced in the part of Lauren Graham from Gillmore Girls fame. Having a fetish for men in Santa outfits a spark is immediate and Willie complies with her fantasy. That's basically all she does here. Along the way he meets a strange, but gentle kid who's looking for a father figure and forms a bond with the multiple felon and some sense of redemption ensues.
The film is laced with foul language, crude humor, and other various forms of debauchery that I guess is supposed to shock you, but if your constitution is hardened you may just find it laughable. The film is funny as it takes no regard for political correctness and on some occasions good taste, but if you're looking for offbeat humor this movie is for you.
Thanks to WIGSF for submitting this as I've never made the effort to sit down and watch it.
Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.
"Just plain hilarious, a dark comedy triumph that beats on your typical holiday movie with a baseball bat." - Tom Long
A few months ago jackassery ensued via a Match.com exchange that went awry. A nameless female hit on some character named John Fitzgerald Page on the dating website to which he replied with following message:
"I live in a 31 story high rise condominium, right in the middle of the Buckhead nightlife district. Do you ever come to this area of town to shop/go out/visit/explore? I went to an Ivy League school - the University of Pennsylvania - for my undergraduate degree in economics and my graduate degree in management (Wharton School of Business). Where did you go to school? What activities do you currently participate in to stay in shape? I work out 4 times a week at LA Fitness. Do you exercise regularly? I am 6 feet tall, 185 pounds - what about yourself? I am truly sorry if that sounds rude, impolite or even downright crass, but I have been deceived before by inaccurate representations so I prefer someone be upfront and honest on initial contact... I do mergers & acquisitions (corporate finance) for Limited Brands (Bath & Body Works, Victoria's Secret, etc). Enjoy any of our stores/divisions? Do you have any other recent pictures you care to share? I have many others if you care to see them.
Regards, John"
Well as one would expect the lady declined such an offer to meet someone of his caliber through an automated response. John took offense to being shut down, so he sent her another message:
"I think you forgot how this works. You hit on me, and therefore have to impress ME and pass MY criteria and standards - not vice versa. 6 pictures of just your head and your inability to answer a simple question lets me know one thing. You are not in shape. I am a trainer on the side, in fact, I am heading to the gym in 26 minutes!
So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don't blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel's Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren't any more of those!
Regards, John"
This email exchange made it's way to the general public and John found himself being dubbed 'The Worst Person in the World" by Gawker.com. Many bloggers took shots at the arrogant prick. Some were in good fun, others not so much. Fame then hit John's doorstep as word of his asshat actions spread and the major media took notice. CBS even granted him an interview:
This is why I'm glad I date women. Sure they may be crazy as all hell, but I can now understand Miss Ash's belief that all men are pond scum unworthy to even be let out of the house.
His website is a resume of sorts for his acting and modeling aspirations showing himself posing topless to display his phsyique. It even includes a response to all his critics which seemed to be transcribed by someone with a 6th grade reading level.
Well the attacks on his character are still ongoing and John seems to be enjoying his fifteen minutes. Not content with the small amount of attention he's garnered due to his unkind email exchange he's now going to appear on the Dr Phil show.
I believe having Dr Phil and this douchebag in the same room may tear apart the space time continum causing life to end as we know it. Repent now. Live like there's no tomorrow. Call her. Whatever you want to do do it now for time is running out for us as the apocolypse is near. Prophet Wiwille is looking out for you. Oh and I'll be heading to the gym in 26 minutes.
"The public hanging of me is making many of you happy. The catch-22 for you is that no publicity is bad publicity. I am getting offers for things - movies, books, TV shows. I had to buy additional bandwidth - over 1.35 million page views last month. This is not a joke. Don't let this happen to you. Anything PERSONAL & PRIVATE you ever write, say, text or photograph can be used against you and can turn your life from normal into a living hell. I think all of this venom should be saved for terrorists, rapists, murderers etc. All I ask is that you put my "crime" in proper perspective. I sent a not very nice private email to someone. That is all." - John Fitzgerald Page
Few holidays elicit so much stress as St. Valentine's Day and it's not hard to understand why. Scorned lovers and lonely people often scoff at the pressures of finding a date. Boyfriends who are low on cash scramble to find some way of making the day special for their significant other. Mobsters hide in fear of another massacre. Its chaos all around I tell you.
Surprising to most I kinda like this day. Sure it's cheesy, corporate nonsense designed to get you to consume, but there's something about appreciating a day where you can reflect on the people you care most about, which you should be doing every day.
So whether you're going to trip the light fantastic tonight or if you're going to spend a quiet evening by yourself take this day to think of the people that love you regardless if they want to see you naked. I won't be having sex tonight, well at least not with a partner, but that's okay...I think...oh I hate myself...wahhhhhhhhh...
Happy Valentine's Day from the folks at Erik's Ramblings.
"I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself." - Robert Orben
A few days ago I posted a video made by celebrities who support Obama. Even the most hard ass conservative can put aside politics and admit the song and video was creative and even inspiring. Hillary supporters were quick to release their own video of which is below:
Yes these are paid performers. Professionals came up with this bag of horse shit. I guess I can't blame them. When I hear Hillary speak I want to create a vortex of suckage that will engulf all of humanity as well.
While these videos have nothing to do with either of the candidates stance on issues or qualifications for President they do reflect the enthusiasm the public has for each. One is clearly more inspiring and I'll let you decide who that may be.
Actually if you think it's Hillary I was referring to I'll punch you in the groin, cause you need to accept my opinion on everything as scientific fact. I'm a blogger after all and everything that's written on my little pipe in this series of tubes is done with careful consideration for the truth. Hmm, the Gospel of Wiwille. I like it.
"I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair." - Hillary Clinton
Ahh yeah. The triumph of the human spirit. One man against all odds in pursuit of a dream that's within their grasp. Will they go against the grain and achieve the glory or will our protagonist be humiliated so that all who spectate may abuse them with wet noodles?
Such is the true story of Burt Munro, a elderly gent from New Zealand who fantasizes of visiting the salt flats in Utah and breaking speed records with this Indian motorcycle. While this is not terribly interesting in and of itself the film portrays Burt as an eccentric, socially awkward, but gentle hearted man which makes you want to root for him.
The story follows his travels from New Zealand to America to achieve his goal of breaking a land speed record via his motorcycle. Burt is an eccentric, affable chap who traverses the southwest meeting weird Americans, having one night stands with old ladies, telling people not to smoke, and nursing his heart condition. His adventures are fun to follow as he meets fellow Americans from all walks of life and seems a bit like a fish out of water, but none deter him from riding his Indian motorcycle on the salt flats.
Like all feel good movies of this nature it delivers on everything it promises. The character of Burt is interesting enough and it's always a treat to watch Anthony Hopkins act. The race sequences are well filmed and exciting and I found myself caring for this strange man who seemed to have little flaws other than being awkward. It's an easily digestible film, if not a little long and overly cliche, but as far as time killers go there are worse ways to spend a couple of hours. For those interested in a feel good spirit movie I'd recommend this.
Thanks to Foster Communications for submitting this as I probably would've never bothered with it if not for her.
Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.
"The World’s Fastest Indian is lightweight stuff, but despite the clichés it’s an enjoyable ride." - Robert W Butler
Yesterday it was announced that via MySpace (I guess that site is used for reasons other than sport fucking strangers) that my dear friend and colleague Andrea was proposed to in an unconventional manner by her boy toy turned boyfriend Justin. I'm happy for the both of them and wish them a good life together. It better be a raging time in Vegas.
Andrea and I jokingly had a marriage pact where if we're both single by the time I turn 40 we would tie the knot in the Church of Elvis. Now that she won't be available when (if) I reach middle age I need to find myself a new pact. You know just in case I can't convince anyone to be my wife within the next seven years. Or I could just be a bachelor forever and enjoy a life of emptying my 401k at a local strip club and crying my lonely ass to sleep after I receive my 12th DUI.
Wow that got a little depressing there. At least I'll have WIGSF to hang out with and we can argue the merits of libertarian values as he defends his position that women will try and rule the Earth by implementing a totalitarian state that requires all men to wear GPS ankle bracelets and give 80% of our income to NOW.
Then again if things do go my way I'll be married before I know it to a wonderful woman who will put up with my numerous flaws. I'll keep you informed.
"A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers." - Grace Hansen
Little is known in the west about the rise of the Bolsheviks. Really when looking back at my school education little was taught about the revolution in Russia, nor was there much focus on film history.
Battleship Potemkin tells the story of the early days of the revolt against the Tsar. Taking place on the navy ship of the film's namesake the crew mutinies against the tyrannical captain after some sailors were facing a firing squad for complaining about eating maggot filled meat.
The leader of the mutineers ends up dying during the ensuing battle and taken into port as a martyr. The people of the town rise up in defiance of their oppressors and protest the Tsar. The monarch's cavalry steps in to meet the protestors and a massacre ensues. The ship then leaves port to do battle with the rest of the navy, but I won't give the end away.
Battleship Potemkin is a silent film as well as foreign so most of you probably wouldn't give it a chance; however I would have to highly recommend it. Known mostly for being a pioneer in modern editing techniques the film is actually quite captivating in its imagery, suspense, and music. While the characters are slim and the translation used in the DVD was less than stellar I found myself loving this movie despite its numerous flaws. Sure it's about as subtle in its propaganda as a shotgun and as storytelling goes there are better early films, but as an historical piece it's fascinating.
Thanks to the person who submitted this film for review, whose name eludes me right now.
Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.
"If you are at all interested in the history of cinema, or the influence of 20th century politics on the medium, then this film is a must-see, although over an hour of Soviet propaganda is likely to test the patience of modern viewers." - Nick Hilditch
I find celebrity endorsements of presidential canidates almost comical. I mean here are people who live and work in a world that's so far removed from anything the common man is used to so they may pontificating about issues that may or may not affect the amount of blow they are doing. This election cycle many of them have taken time from abusing their underpaid servants to speak out in favor of their candiate of choice.
A bunch of stars have made a music video set to one of Obama's speeches. I love Obama as an orrator and the song is pretty cool. Most of the celebrities I've never heard of though. I mean there's some girl who was on a bad doctor show and left to star in another bad doctor show. Then there's that guy from that movie a while back. Then there's someone who used to work for E!
Do these people think because they're famous that I'm going to throw my weight behind their opinion? Do they believe we are a bunch of easily duped....wait....who's that blonde in that video? Oh my is that her? It is!
Vote Obama NOW. Wiwille says so.
Seriously folks do go out and vote.
"My first job is to say thank you to those who voted me. Those who didn't, I'm going to get your vote next time." - Barack Obama
Super Tuesday is over and the results are in. I know you want this post to be about Heath Ledger or some Brittney nonsense, but you're not getting any of that. Why? Cause I'm Wiwille that's why.
McCain is clearly the front runner on the Republican ticket, which is surprising considering everyone had him written off this time last year as a bat shit candidate who had financial issues and no chance of any contention. Now he's on track to hold the highest office in the land.
What's surprising to me is that Romney has not thrown in his magic underwear and dropped out even though he's losing by almost 500 delegates. That is dedication my friends.
The Democratic race is locked in an almost tie with Obama in a slim lead. Kind of cool considering that my state doesn't get to cast their primary ballot until Saturday and for once in my short voting career I may make a difference. Then again I may just join the lunactics and cast my ballot for Ron Paul, cause I believe the mental health challenged deserve some representation.
So to all you Washington State folks who read my blog, which are few, you finally get to have a voice in who comes out the nominee at least on the Democratic side. Cast your vote and do it wisely and with a sober heart. Or you can just go piss off and watch your reality television while you cry to your overpaid therapist that mommy and daddy didn't buy you parachute pants when you were young.
"The first pork-barrel bill that crosses my desk, I'm going to veto it and make the authors of those pork-barrel items famous all over America." - John McCain
A company has decided to produce a sports bra that contains special pouches which you can drink out of. Yes your bra can double as a drink holder complete with hose. So when you're working out or want to sneak alcohol into a sporting event you don't have to worry about excess bottles, just pull the straw and enjoy the liquid refreshment from your bosom.
Now I'm a big fan of boobs and alchohol, but seriously girls do you really want to purchase something like this? I mean would you want your refreshments so close to your chest? I really don't want a liquid pouch in my crotch. Just sayin.
Also what if they pouch bursts and all of a sudden you have Zima soaking your shirt. May be a little tough to explain at the office, but then again this may come in handy on those long flights. Heck I may buy one.
"If I could be reincarnated as a fabric, I would come back as a 38 double-D bra." - Jesse Ventura
Super Bowl. What a glorious day it is. This year I attended a Super Bowl party at my friend Elli's and a good time was had by all. I ate chili dogs and various other finger foods. Beer was consumed, but no one ended up urinating in the seven layer dip bowl as a result.
The game was one of the best Super Bowls I've seen in years. I didn't care who won as I didn't get the memo that you must hate the Patriots to be cool, but I wanted a strong defensive battle and that's what I got. I can't feel too sorry for Tom Brady as he's probably sleeping with various supermodels right now to ease the pain of his loss.
The commercials were pretty cool including a great Godfather tribute.
I said my goodbyes and started to walk out the door. Immediatley as I stepped out I let out a huge fart. I mean this was classic gas eligible for an Wiwille world record. Elli quickly shut the door for obvious reasons. Whew. It was a long drive back home to Seattle with the windows rolled down. I'm not as young as I used to be.
"I've had just about everything punched. I've had things grabbed that just shouldn't be grabbed." - Tom Brady
We've all had the conversation about what we would do with our lives if we won the lottery and money was no longer an issue. I had this conversation with my friends Corey and Quoc a while back. Both stated they would buy a huge house somewhere and live like a king. I stated that I wouldn't even bother owning a home. I would just live out of hotels as I travel from country to country. A nice life I would lead I think, but another man has won a contest that I think I may like better than cash.
