Aug 13, 2010

Wiwille is a traitor.

I have betrayed my brethren last night in ways unthinkable. For years I've taken a stand that I would never subject myself to various substances that were unworthy of consumption. I arrogantly looked down upon others that do, raising an eyebrow with a combination of curiosity and disgust at how a person could put that stuff in their body. Last night though I did what I never thought I would ever do, I drank light beer.

Me - You ever here the light beer joke?
Her - No.
Me - Drinking light beer is like having sex in a canoe. It's fucking near water.

I couldn't believe she hadn't heard that.

I was handed a Bud Light and took it in stride. I opened the can and raised it to my lips. It was as awful as I remember it. It's like really flat diet soda with less flavor and harnesses the ability to deplete my testosterone levels to the point where I could turn into Richard Simmons. I couldn't believe I was continuing to drink it, but I was well lit already and didn't want to appear rude by turning it down.

My Seattle friends will now disown me. I don't blame them.

"People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot." -Capital Brewery


wigsf said...

The only time I've ever enjoyed light beer was this one time I had Michelob Light. And that was right after drinking three glasses of wine. So I was pretty buzzed already.

Anonymous said...

Oh Wee Willie- you so did not take that beer to be polite, you simply were drunk in a place with few drink options and you wanted to keep your buzz afloat to keep making hilarious choo-choo train noises for the comedy of the evening:)

JLee said...

hahaa..I like anon's assessment ;)

Mattbear said...

Who are you kidding? You were disowned when you moved to Texas. :)