May 17, 2006

Watterson should kick your ass.

Years ago I was introduced to Calvin & Hobbes, a comic strip written and drawn with great wit and amazing illustrations. A six year old with an amazing sense of vocabulary Calvin and his imaginary stuffed tiger Hobbes journeyed through childhood with an imagination that is beautiful and destructive at the same time. The strip taught us life lessons, made us laugh, and sometimes had me reaching for the dictionary. Reason I love the strip so much is that it helps me remember those wonderful moments of childhood where I used to imagine a world so much bigger and often times better, or at least more fun, than the one I currently inhabit.

Calvin is such a beloved figure amongst it's many readers; however there are asshats who have decided to copy Bill Watterson's images and use them for disgusting purposes. Watterson, the recluse creator of the strip, never signed over rights to market Calvin in any way, because he didn't want to cheapen the readers experience. For some reason some artist, actually thieves, felt compelled to market and sell drawings of Calvin. You've probably come across these if you simply drive.

Yes car and truck owners now don the Calvin image in ridiculous ways. Most often times you'll see Calvin pissing on something, usually a Ford or Chevy symbol. Why these former mulletheads feel that's clever I don't know. Some even have Calvin praying at the foot of a cross. Scripture teaches us some worship will be an abomination to the Lord and I'm sure using a bootleg image, which is essentially illegal, to preach the Word ranks up there.

When I see a car or truck with a Calvin sticker that shows him urinating I create this image in my head of the owner of the vehicle. I imagine a guy wearing a hat that advertises a automobile manufacturer. He wears a No-Fear or Big Johnson t-shirt. He screams "Freebird" at every concert he's ever been to. He listens to Kid Rock and System of a Down. He calls himself a Johnny Cash fan, but can't name you a single song he sung. He owns Pearl Harbor on DVD to try and impress his dates.

When this figmate of my sick brain purchased the decal for his vehicle he looked at his friends and said "Yeah. Now everyone will know how I feel about them driving them there Fords. Fords suck man. This is funny. Chicks will dig this. Freebird."

Then my imagination turns ugly and I see myself pulling the Bon Jovi lover out of his car through the window beating him senseless. Standing over his mildly conscious body I tell him if he likes pee images so much I think he'll enjoy what I'm about to do next. I then urinate in his ear.

Okay maybe I'm taking this a little to passionately. Didn't mean to go all Muslim about the image of Calvin. Oh and that's the extremist Muslim I'm referring to, not the good peace loving Muslims who I for some reason feel so compelled to write a disclaimer about, yet I just went ahead and stereotyped thousands of people for their car art. I hate myself for writing that.

"I clearly miscalculated how popular it would be to show Calvin urinating on a Ford logo." - Bill Watterson.


jinsane said...

I sooooo look forward to reading your blog every day. It's my little "pick me up" for the day.

Just wanted you to know that! XO

Word Ver: Whore Cap

Wiwille said...

Jinsane - Well aren't you a sweet kid. I'm glad someone looks forward to reading my mildly literate rantings.