Wiwille's open letter to nudist neighbor.

Dear neighbor,

I recently moved into this neighborhood hoping it would be a good experience. The area seems to sport a recent shift in economic diversity with brand new half-a-million dollar town homes sitting next to substandard duplexes. Since my new found residence I've encountered many a strange type and event, such as being accosted by a homeless man at a gas station and having an all too long conversation in the grocery store with a lady who was drilling me on why I thought her man might be having an affair, but I never expected to be privy to a public viewing of your breasts.

I was sitting on my deck last night talking to my girlfriend on the phone. It was a pleasant evening with warm weather and a beautiful sunset. The neighborhood was surprisingly quiet and lounging about outside while I conversed with my Pretty Girl seemed like a good idea.

Then I glanced in your window. Looking into peoples' homes is not a habit, but something that does happen. As fate may have it as my eyes swept your particular window and I saw you facing the street. In what appeared to be something out of a bad movie you thought it would be a good idea to take off your shirt. Surprised I was by this action and even more shocked by your lack of undergarments.

Now I'm not upset by you giving me a view of your boobs. They are a nice pair and for that I was grateful. You were far enough away that I couldn't tell if your were ugly or not, but the area below the neck and above the waist was quite pleasing to the eye, especially to someone who appreciates a nice rack.

Problem lied in the fact that I couldn't tell how old you were. Then the situation turned creepy. Plus the fact that you stayed in front of your window looking out kinda reminded me of an 'American Beauty' moment without the whole plastic bag floating in the wind. You probably didn't have me in mind when you displayed your chest to the neighborhood. Maybe you were showing your goods to a boyfriend who happened to live across the street, just like the scene involving Jane and and Ricky. That moment quickly faded when I realized I'm 32 and would more closely resemble Lester (Kevin Spacey). Yes I'm at that age where I still loves me a nice set, but with the understanding that no matter how great the breasts may be it's inappropriate to gawk at an underage bussom.

I informed the Pretty Girl that I just saw a naked person and she responded "on the street" before her phone died. I got up and entered back into the townhouse, cause I just couldn't handle the idea of underage nudity. Now I'm not one who has a problem violating certain social norms, but your boobs put me in a bit of a quandary. I did think about snapping a shot with my cell phone and sharing the goods with my buddies, but I'm a nice guy underneath my perverted, cynical shell and thought it would not be a good idea.

If you're of legal consent I thank you for your public display of nudity. If not well you need to be taught proper manners young lady.

Your neighbor,
Wiwille

"If you haven't turned rebel by twenty you've got no heart; if you haven't turned establishment by thirty you've got no brains." - Kevin Spacey

Wiwille's favorite show is better than yours.

When I work out at the gym I usually watch the news. If I get bored with hearing Lou Dobbs rant about illegal aliens I sometimes flip the channels to find something a little more interesting than border politics. The screen is attached to the elliptical trainer so I can watch whatever I want without anyone yelling "switch it to Dr Phil."

I came across a show called 'Cash Cab', which friggin rules. I love trivia shows and since 'Win Ben Stein's Money' went off the air I haven't found anything I really liked. Jeff Foxworthy's new show doesn't do it for me, although the concept is kinda cool. I'm not interested in seeing people pick random suitcases while the audience celebrates greed; however they do have hot women on that 'Deal or No Deal' crap.

'Cash Cab' picks up "random" taxi fares and takes them for a ride in Manhattan. The object is for the passengers to answer a series of questions and collect enough money as possible before the end of the trek. If they get three wrong they lose all the money. Contestants also have what the show calls a 'shout out' where they can call someone for help or pull over and ask a random person for assistance with a question.

So I'm watching this at the gym yesterday and I caught myself almost saying the answers out loud. Laugh if you will, but you probably yelled at the television screaming "big money no whammies...stop..." at some point in your life.

'Cash Cab' is a smart show and hopefully it will be with us for a while, but since you'd rather watch American Idol and other donkey shit reality programs I don't think it'll do that well. Plus it's on the Discovery Channel. I know maybe two people who tune in to that.

"Why is it trivia? People call it trivia because they know nothing and they are embarrassed about it." - Robbie Coltrane

No kitty this is my pot pie!

My roommate Tad, pictured above, is gone for a few days in New York for work. It hasn't been that lonely in the ghetto cause I'm taking care of his cat. Yes he's a single man who owns a cat. Yep he's straight.

I grew up with cats and lived with them most of my life, but most of them have been outdoor cats which were normally low maintenance. Besides my parent's old senile cat, which would poop everywhere except the litter box, most felines are pretty easy to handle. Just leave the food and water out and make sure their bathroom facilities are clean and your job is done.

Not Tad's cat. He thought he was clever in naming the feline Monkey, but I didn't realize why until this weekend. Monkey likes to climb something fierce. I let him in my room and he tore about the place trying to get on any and all furniture knocking over everything in his path. As I slept the miserable beast got bored and jumped on my windowsill effectively tipping over the pictures on it which fell right on top of me awaking me from my slumber. At night the cat doesn't seem to like the idea that humans sleep and let it be known by attacking my feet. Yes he's quite the attention whore.

Then there's the issue of poop. The cat poops a lot. I mean a lot. I have to clean the litter box twice a day to insure the cat uses it. This morning I got up to the change it and while I was doing scooping kitty shit Monkey decided I wasn't fast enough and did his best impression of a chocolate frozen yogurt dispenser on the floor. Thankfully there were Lysol wipes to take care of the mess.

Dogs rule.

"As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind." - Cleveland Amory

Give thanks this day.

Thanksgiving is one of those days set aside to feel grateful for the many blessing in your life and Memorial Day should be no different. The former we usually thank our God or family, but on the latter date we have others to thank and most of them are strangers. While most of us spent today drinking way too much or doing activities that are in no way related to giving praise to our fallen soldiers there were a few that took time out of their barbeques and ball games to visit their local memorial or give to a Veteran's cause.

I spent most of the day with the Pretty Girl, but on my way home I decided to take a detour to a cemetery in Renton and visit the veterans wall. I bought a rose from a lady and laid one with the many others surrounding the site. I thought of my friends Nic and Quoc, who thankfully are still with us, and how their service may have made my life a little better.

Many young men and women have given their lives so I may have the opportunity to live a comfortable one. I sit here with my high speed internet watching my beer gut get bigger and complain about housing costs while soldiers in the field are fighting and dying for our country. Their service deserves our thanks not for one day, but for the entire year.

Regardless of your personal politics, please be grateful for the men and women who served our nation and paid the ultimate price so you could live in freedom.

"In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons." - Herodotus

Funeral pyre for Rawbean's Rants

Dearly beloved,

We are gathered here to mourn the passing of Rawbean's Rants, a two year old blog who went well before it's time. Written by Rawbean herself, the blog entertained millions, okay dozens, of internet users with tales of shopping, crime, various social activities, interior design, etc with crude MS Paint illustrations. No more will she grace us with the gift of blog contests or educate us on various mildly obscure music trends. Deprived we will be of our weekly Rawbean fix and thus we bow our heads in prayer.

Oh internet father Google, please hear our pleas for quality amateur online content. May the pain and suffering of our loss not dishearten the millions who try and write their thoughts; however useless they may be, everyday. May we remember the joys that Rawbean's Rants gave to us and may it's passing make us strong in our commitment to serve you.

In this we pray to you oh earthly online lord Google, Amen.

I thank those that have gathered here to witness the full life of Rawbean's Rants. We are fortunate that the blog has not been deleted so therefore we can relive such great moments it gave to us. Let us go in peace to love and serve the blogsphere.

"I can't think of a new post...So I've decided this is the end of my blog. It's been fun and it's hard to let go, but I don't want to do a half ass blog. I'll be back doing something else I'm sure and I will still read all of your blogs! Thanks for stopping by over the past 2+ years!!" - Rawbean

Spidey can do his own damn laundry apparently.

My co-worker Jeff showed some surprise that I haven't posted about a recent Mary Jane, Spider-Man's love interest, statue. When he showed it to me the comic book fan explained how this is causing a lot of outrage within the graphic novel community. I took a look at it and really didn't see what the big deal was.

Perhaps the cries of foul is because Mary Jane is doing Spidey's laundry which we can't have at all. I mean a woman doing a man's laundry? NOW will not stand for this. Women must never do a man's laundry ever. Think of what it would lead to. I bet Peter Parker (Spider-Man's alter ego for those readers who've actually had sex with a partner) is standing behind this image threatening Mary Jane to shut her whore mouth and make him a sandwich.

I'm not much of a comic book reader, but every time I have picked up an issue the women in it seem to resemble the shapely figure Mary Jane is sporting in the statue pictured above. Big breasted, narrow hips, and a shapely rear are abundant with almost all females in superhero lore. It's like they were outlined from a Playboy pictorial. For some reason apologists will claim the girls in these stories are empowered because they can throw a punch yet I'm not sure how fighting crime has anything to do with large boobies. If having a gifted chest made you a great crime fighter then Batman has nothing on Miss Ash, Jinsane, or Andrea.

I'm so shocked, shocked I say, to find a comic book artist depicting some weird male fantasy. If graphic novel fans are disgusted by this image then why aren't they repulsed by the drawings in their favorite form of literature? Maybe scolding this statue is therapy for them. I bet all of them, well the one's who actually have a girlfriend, would never let their significant other do their laundry, cook a meal, or dress in a Wonder Woman costume and dance really sexy with that lasso of hers while she...err...yeah got a little carried away there.

Comic book readers = the front line for fighting for women's rights.

"Mary Jane discover[ing] that her superhero husband has slipped some of his laundry into the mix, but she's not looking too displeased about Peter's naughty little transgression." - Statue artist Adam Hughe's description.

MARY JANE IS SPIDEY 'SENSUOUS'

It's in your hands.

The other day my Fantasy Football League got together to discuss and vote on this year's rules. After policies were agreed upon conversation turned to other sports related topics. John brought up the fiasco that has been Barry Bond's run to break the home run record.

Many seemed upset with the fact that the juice monkey prick will be surpassing their patron saint, a sentiment that seems all across the board with baseball fans. Others in the group cried foul at the corrupt league citing lack of salary caps, the Yankees, steroids, and various other issues.

While I'm not a fan of baseball, cause really it's a pastime more than a sport, what I don't understand is all the people bitching about Major League Baseball will still go and watch the games. I asked John flat out if he's so unhappy then why does he buy season tickets every year. He didn't really have an answer other than he might give up on it. Fans of the sport have the power to hold the commissioner and it's owners accountable if they stop watching it. It's as if they don't get that the bottom line is the most important thing to a company.

While I understand it's hard to give up on entertainment that you so badly want to be good. It took me a couple years to finally give up on the NBA. Still sports fans are strange consumers. Even though they'll admit the product sucks they'll still throw their money at it and support it. Sort of like Star Wars fans.

"There's nothing wrong with me." - Barry Bonds

This is obsenity

Bureaucrats and other public officials are often times held to a higher standard than the rest of the workforce. Usually a dock worker is not going to come under such a huge amount of scrutiny for either being incompetent or having a sorrid personal life. Whether they be on the take in their job or spend their off hours trolling MySpace for seventeen year olds, a government employee can face severe consequences including but no limited to loss of work, humiliation in the press, and can carry an invisible Scarlett Letter for the rest of their lives.

While we here in the US blast Gonzalez for his shoddy memory and other administration officials for being fall guys for a simpleton leader we should step back and think how easy we have it. Take Pakistan for example. Not known for being the bastion of multi-culturalism nor embracing the feminist movement Pakistani tourism minister Nilofar Bakhtiar resigned yesterday under pressure from the nation's Islamic clerics.

What did she do? Did she not promote the idea that Pakistan was a great place to vacation? After all who wouldn't want to spend a holiday in Islamabad? Should be an easy sell.

The woman hugged someone. Yes the woman embraced her skydiving instructor after jumping out of a plane. After the photo of her doing this 'obscene' act was made public Islamic clerics cried out in horror and demanded a reprimand for violating their moral norms. Instead of being stoned (rocks) for being a dirty whore she decided to step down from her position, which is a rarity for a woman to hold such a high office.

I try to embrace the idea of multi-culturalism, but sometimes they make it so damn difficult. I see news stories like this and I wish for omnipotent powers so I could create a rapture of sorts. 40% of the population would vanish. When you think about how terrible you have it in your society think of this, the picture I have posted above, which includes the now un-employed tourism minister in her infamous embrace, would be not safe for work in many areas.

"In Pakistan anti-American protesters set a Kentucky Fried chicken restaurant on fire. The protesters mistakenly thought they were attacking high-ranking U.S. military official Colonel Sanders." - Jimmy Fallon

Female Pakistani Minister Resigns Over Hug

Wiwille meets his new neighbors.

It was Friday morning about an hour before the sun rose. I was pumping gas at the local Chevron in my new neighborhood. Minding my own business some person walked by staring at me. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and noticed he wanted to engage me in conversation. He looked to be in his mid-forties and judging by his attire it seemed his choices in life made his existence a hard one.

"Hey buddy," he belted loud enough so I and the rest of Seattle could hear. "You gots a dollar?"

"Sure," I replied as I reached into my pocket and gave him a dollar bill.

"Hey man," he said holding the dollar. "You got two dollars? I ain't eat in a three days." I hear crack will do that.

"No I don't," I said truthfully.

"You gots fifty cents?"

"No."

I glanced at him and he started to look angry.

"Man this some bullshit," he said. "I ain't eat in three days. Can't your cracka ass gets me fifty cents?"

"Cracker ass?" I replied.

Quiz time folks. When Wiwille is set upon a situation like this does he a) politley say 'no' and wish him a good day? b) wisely suggest he go into the gas station and purchase himself a Tiger Milk nutrition bar as it's filling and good for you? or c) like a dumb ass snatch the dollar back and call him an ungrateful fuck and remind him to piss off?

If you answered 'a' or 'b' well I'd like to welcome you to Erik's Ramblings. I always like new readers.

After depriving him of the dollar I gave him the man was not surprisingly unhappy. He started to shake a little and then went off on me in a flurry of swearing and name calling.

"Motha fucka...you give me back...you cracker ass white boy...I is the baddest nigga in Sea-town...you best not fuck...I kick yo white boy ass all over this town..I ownz this town..." This went on for a while.

"Man fuck you" I replied. "Next time someone gives you something you say thank you and be on your way. I ain't giving you a dollar or nothing now get the fuck out of here and leave me alone."

"You white boys think youz tough....I fuck...I fuck you up...I'm the baddest nigga in Sea-town...ain't no one fuck with me...I'll fucking kick your lilly white ass boy..."

He started to put up his guard and seeing that I did the same.

"You swing at me pig fucker," I said while posturing. "And I'll make you regret it for the rest of your life. I fucking swear this."

At this point I start getting nervous. Sizing him up I realized a fight with him would've been heavily in my favor. He was all about 5'6 and had the muscle tone of your average runway model. Still he could have a knife or worse a gun.

He then dropped his hands and kind of smirked. Then he turned and walked off rambling some nonsense about how he's the 'baddest nigga in Sea-town'. Finally my tank was full and I got in the car and got the hell out of there.

"Anger is the enemy of non-violence and pride is a monster that swallows it up." - Gandhi

Henry Rollins is the man.

If you've never seen any of Henry Rollins spoken word acts well you should. Why? Cause Wiwille said so that's why.

Engergetic and striking, Henry grasps the audience's attention with his quick wit and a avalanche of thoughts and observations. You would think the man did a rail of coke off a hooker's ass before the show to speak so rapidly for a couple hour set, but as he claims the man is sober as a preacher on Sunday.

His thoughts are hardly that of an Ivy League intellectual, but he has a sharp mind none the less. The clip below is one of my favorite thoughts he has on dating.

"Don't do anything by half. If you love someone, love them with all your soul. When you go to work, work your ass off. When you hate someone, hate them until it hurts." - Henry Rollins

Fred Thompson rocks!

I don't know much about presidential hopeful Fred Thompson, but I know he's ballsy as hell. In a recent war of words with Michael Moore over the film maker's recent trip to Cuba, Fred expressed disdain with Moore's fascination with all things Castro. Not one to duck from controversy the Fahrenheit 9/11 director challenged the Senator to a debate. Thompson's response is in the video below.

Now I like Michael's films. Roger and Me is one of the best documentaries ever. That being said some of the techniques he uses in his films can be disingenuous or hurtful at best. Disagree? Look at how he portrays the soldiers in Fahrenheit 9/11 and tell me that he really respects our fighting forces.

Still his films are entertaining and ultimately he's a filmmaker before a political know it all. Regardless for a Senator and possible Presidential candidate to openly mock not only Moore, but himself is pretty damn funny no matter what side of the aisle you comfortably ally yourself with.

"Every foreign policy of every major nation involves reason, common sense, carrots and sticks. You can't have all carrots and no sticks." - Fred Thompson



Fred Thompson, Michael Moore Go Head to Head, Sort of

Obligatory hot women post.

I'm so damn tired. We were short staffed last night so I volunteered to come in and help out. I've been at work since 8p last night and haven't slept since 9p the day before. I just had a couple hour nap and ready to finish my regular schedule so yeah I'm a little beat.

My sleep depraved mind can't operate well enough to come up with anything interesting so today I bring you Maxim's Top 100 Hot List. I guess it's a running theme that when I feel uninspired I write about women who sport glorious breasts. Below is the list with my commentary.

10. Fergie - Okay she's got a hot body. This we know. Her face? Well I'm a fan of the term buttaface, but I think when addressing her it's appropriate.
9. Eva Longoria - Sure she's hot. #9 sexiest woman in the entire world? Overrated.
8. Rihanna - I have no idea who this is.
7. Eva Mendes - Lots of people seem smitten with her and for good reason.
6. Ali Larter - A little high on the list, but still easy on the eyes.
5. Jessica Biel - I'm not up on the whole bandwagon of Biel worship, but I wouldn't turn her down and neither would you.
4. Christina Aguilera - I'm guessing she's done a lot of their covers to be ranked this high.
3. Scarlett Johansson - Why this woman is not number one is criminal. Seriously folks. There is no celebrity hotter. No one. I know it, you know it, the American people know it.
2. Jessica Alba - Everybody loves them some Jessica and I'm no different.
1. Lindsay Lohan - WTF? No. Damn it no. I refuse to accept a men's magazine who ranks a woman, who's trashy-cute at best, higher than Scarlett. I understand these lists are more of a product of PR agents and talent managers rather than the actual magazine editors, but still Maxim has a reputation to consider and this isn't helping. Lindsay is in no way hotter than Aishwarya Rai. I demand an apology from Maxim, who should know better than to try and sell us guys the idea that Lindsay Lohan is the hottest person in the whole wide world. For shame.

Wow that was a winded post about nothing.

"I definitely believe in plastic surgery. I don't want to be an old hag. There's no fun in that." - Scarlett Johansson

Maxim

It's all in the presentation.

A UK Professor makes a claim that global warming enthusiasts can be setting the wrong message to people. It's not about the content, which some claim is still arguable amazingly enough, but about style. Mike Hulme believes that if you alarm people with tales of doom that the public will become more apathetic about the issue.

Sadly he may have a point. When the public sees images of possible sensationalized events they may be quick to react for a short while, but when presented over and over again westerners soon become distraught and will surrender to whatever catastrophe may or may not head their way.

Take terrorism for example. People still complain about taking off their shoes at airports even though some waste of sperm attempted to blow one up disguising a bomb as footwear. It takes a whole two minutes out of our lives, but yet we spoiled Americans feel we can't be bothered with a task a child can perform.

The prophets of the apocalypse have a difficult message to bring even when they're right. When Y2K was seen by a few as a coming catastrophe of biblical proportions yet many just shook their heads and took comfort in the fact that their government will take care of it. Not wanting to seem like an idiot they made no preparations in case of a massive worldwide infrastructure outage and thankfully they were right.

Americans hate to be inconvenienced in any manner no matter the cause. We choose foods that will kill you quicker than smoking simply because it's served in a timely manner. We justify our SUV buying by claiming that having two children is reason enough to drive something that's harmful to the environment and will never see off road use. We buy cheap diamonds even though the blood of many has tainted them. We are a simple people really, but when Al Gore comes knocking on our door we may find his information compelling, but as time goes on we make no effort to contribute to going green on an individual level. We leave that to the corporations and the government, cause for whatever reason we still think they're very effective at every issue they touch.

What kind of presentation is helpful to bring the message that individuals are assisting in the rampant destruction of our ecosystem and can hopefully make behavioral changes that will stop it? Probably none really, cause sadly no one wants to accept responsibility for the things they help destroy.

At times I can be no different.

"The planet has a fever. If your baby has a fever, you go to the doctor. If the doctor says you need to intervene here, you don't say, 'Well, I read a science fiction novel that told me it's not a problem.' If the crib's on fire, you don't speculate that the baby is flame retardant. You take action." - Al Gore

Climate messages are 'off target'

Wiwille tries to play tough with an old fat bastard.

Mother's day was upon us this Sunday and I made a trip up to Bellingham to visit the folks. After giving mom her gifts we decided to go out to brunch. The place was packed as men of all ages are not prone to cooking a meal for their women. Some females may complain about this, but given the culinary skills my father and I posses my mother is thankful we stay out of the kitchen as much as possible. Apparently she's not impressed by condensed soup and meat cooked on a George Foreman Grill.

The brunch was exceptional and the family enjoyed the tasty grub. While my dad was feeding his face with food that fits into his specialized diet mom and I went back to the buffet table to top off the meal with a delicious pastry. We picked out our treat and I followed her back to our table.

We had to mozie by a bunch of tables when I noticed some fat old man checking her out. His eyes looked her up and down while he grinned like an estranged uncle your family doesn't talk about. I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at him trying to communicate via body language that I will skull fuck him with my fork if he doesn't keep his eyes off my mom. He then realized I was glaring at him. His eyes got big and he went back to filling his face with food that hopefully will ensure his impending cardiac arrest.

I caught up with mom as she was heading up the stairs to our table.

"Did you see that old fat bastard checking you out?" I said.

"No," she giggled. "Was he really doing that."

"Pig fucker sure was."

"Now Erik," she said feigning shock. "Don't talk that way in front of your mother."

"Sorry," I said. "But he's in for an ass whoopin."

She laughed again. We sat at the table and mom informed dad she was being gawked at by some old guy. Dad shook his head and stated he couldn't figure why my mother was "geezer bait". Apparently as they get older my father has had to insure the 70+ guys keep their eyes off her. They have a good sense of humor about it, better than I really.

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." - Oscar Wilde

Rent sucks and you know it.

In keeping with the theme of beguiling my readers and friends about my sexuality I took The Pretty Girl to see Rent on stage last night. I had some idea of what to expect as far as quality is concerned given that I've seen the movie. I knew it was going to be an over rated, storyless, mediocre musical, but I thought the stage show would be more enjoyable than the film.

I was wrong. I know it's rare, but even someone as wise as myself can error in judgement.

There's only one likable character in the play and the show was less than stellar. When I saw the movie I remember thinking how unfunny the jokes were given that no one laughed at any of them, but at the play the crowd reacted as if they were at a George Carlin show. I know that people are far more forgiving at stage productions then film, cause after they spent a good amount of money to be there so they're almost desperate to be entertained.

Then again I was sitting with one of the most easily amused audience ever. They were hooting and hollering throughout the show, even when there was nothing to warrant any cheers. For example Mimi was strutting her stuff to 'Out Tonight' where she starts shaking her head in a Slayer fashion and people in the audience started cheering.

It got worse as the show went on. Lots of people from the audience were cheering inappropriatley and even making noises not heard since the days of Arsenio Hall. It made it really frustrating cause they kept drowning out the lyrics which to someone who's never seen it before made it more difficult to follow. Good thing the plot is so simple it's not like you're missing anything really deep.

Still after watching a bunch of pretencious jukie artists suffer self inflicted faux poverty was sort of like watching Springer. I had my Pretty Girl next to me and life seemed really great at that moment. We had a good dinner and we were dressed up, which is a rarity for me. The money and time spent just to see her was worth it.

"Rent is commodified faux bohemia on a platter, eliciting the same kind of numbing soul-sadness as children's beauty pageants, tiny dogs in expensive boots, Mahatma Gandhi in Apple ads." - Carina Chocano

Mickey hates Jews.

Most kids of my generation grew up with the likes of Sesame Street, Mr Rodgers, and various other children's programming designed to educate kids on elementary skills such as ABCs and counting numbers. Often times the shows got preachy telling youths how to be good people, but for the most part it was done in an appropriate manner.

Many other cultures outside the west use similar television shows to reach to kids. Not to be out done Hamas has created it's own show with a Mickey Mouse clone. The rodent and a little girl preach to the children about a world dominated by Islam. Kids also call into the show and sing songs about how they'll never surrender to the enemy (Israel) and how death awaits the Zionist occupiers.

We here in the US go up and arms over Don Imus, whose target audience are residents of nursing homes, and ignore the hatred being indoctrinated into the children of the world. We shake our heads at shows such as the ones produced by Hamas and blame ourselves for their radical actions. Yes our country has never done right by the middle east, but no one can offer an alternative policy that is reasonable nor sane. This is an example of why I believe the Palestinian leadership is not interested in peace. Genocide seems to be the only logical conclusion for them.

"Days will prove that the assassination policy will not finish the Hamas. Hamas leaders wish to be martyrs and are not scared of death. Jihad will continue and the resistance will continue until we have victory, or we will be martyrs." - Sheikh A. Yassin

Hamas 'Mickey Mouse' wants Islam takeover

IKEA furniture sucks.

People who know me personally understand that I'm not a fashion conscious guy. I'm more prone to purchase stuff that's practical rather than something that simply looks good. If the item does have purpose as well as being pleasing to the eye then great.

Since I'm moving to Seattle proper I decided I need new furniture for my closet sized bedroom. IKEA seemed to be the logical choice. The European furniture maker has made an empire selling tasty meatballs and practical furniture that conserve space while looking decent. Well the latter is no longer true.

The Pretty Girl and I walked into the superstore and I found the most gawdy colored couches and chairs. The 70s are back at IKEA and they feel that's a good thing. All of the hues on most of the items looks like they leapt straight out of an episode of 'All in the Family'. At first I wasn't annoyed by this considering my first item of purchase was a bookshelf, one I found fairly easily, but when it came to towels and shower curtains it became a different story.

I couldn't find a towel nor curtain that looked relatively decent. It was all so hideous I decided against purchasing any of it. This is coming from someone who could care less if a person's wearing jean shorts. Throughout the big box store there were signs of smiling IKEA furniture designers. Smile now folks, for a special place in hell awaits those who try and bring back last century's ugliest decade.

"Our idea is to serve everybody, including people with little money." - Ingvar Kamprad

Barbeques and ball games.

"You should wear your black polo shirt," the Pretty Girl stated.

"Ugh," I replied. "Why?"

"Cause you look good in it," she stated trying to boost my ego.

I hate polo shirts. Really I do. I feel like I'm twelve wearing them. The pretty girl bought me a few recently, cause she finds them attractive for whatever reason. I figured since she dresses up for almost any outing we may have I might as well bite the bullet and throw on the black shirt.

We had a Cinco De Mayo party to go to that was thrown by her sorority friends. I find the holiday an interesting one as our country celebrates Mexican culture by getting piss drunk. I find it funny that on that day in 1862 the French surrendered to Mexico, which is why they observe the date. Something about the French surrendering to the Mexicans brings all sorts of non-politically correct images to me. (Sorry Pablo).

We drove on towards the party and I kept thinking to myself how I might miss the De La Hoya-Merriweather fight. I'd been looking forward to seeing it somewhat, but already made plans with the Pretty Girl to attend the party. We drive up to the house in a nice neighborhood and I thought hey maybe they're showing it here.

We walk into the house and were greeted with little fan fare. I took a look around and saw all sorts of decorations including Mexican flags, peppers, shakers, and sombreros. Then I noticed the guys. All of them were wearing polo shirts. All of them. Not one was wearing a t-shirt, button down shirt, and/or jersey. All of them were wearing the design made famous by people who golf recreationally. The only thing separating me from them is that they were clean shaven.

Latino music was blaring. It spanned from traditional music to Enrique Ingleses. Then there was the Hot Hot Hot song, which was the only time I've ever heard it outside a commercial jingle. Then there was the Mexican song made famous by the now defunct Frito Bandito. It's sad that most of the culture to the south was made aware to me by cartoons and television commercials.

There was good food to be sure, but I had only a little as it was mostly finger fare. The Pretty Girl started chatting away with the ladies as I tried to converse with my polo shirt wearing brethren. It obvious very quickly that they'd rather be stabbed in the eye rather than have a 'new guy' discuss the politics of having suburban class neighbors and yard care. I then quickly made my way to listen to the ladies yap.

We weren't there very long as the Pretty Girl herself got bored. She looked at me and said she had an excuse for leaving early. We made our goodbyes and walked out of there. I giggled to myself as we walked to the car. She asked me what I found so funny and my only reply was that I used to beat up people like that.

I ended up missing the fight, which I hear was a good one. Oh well.

Politics: a post no one will be interested in reading.

The Obama campaign must be really hard up for money. For the past week they've been calling my cell phone twice a day soliciting funds. Each time around noon I tell them the same thing, that I haven't decided which candidate I want to be nominated nor will I be making any contributions. I remind them that they're calling a cell phone and ask them to not call again.

Of course they call again in a few hours, around 5 pm. I tell them I've already spoken with them about this and my answer hasn't changed. They apologize and hang up. Next day they call again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I watched a good bit of the Republican debate last night and nothing was surprising other than the fact that I still feel it's way to early to hold one. It was amusing to watch the candidates try and walk a tightrope when it came to Iraq. All seemed to try and critique the current war strategy without coming out and blaming the President's incompetence in the fight. They were careful in their choice of words, which you would expect from a politician.

Then came the issue of abortion. Even though the Supreme Court made their decision clear over 30 years ago the issue still seems number one on many voters lists of what will make a good President. Everyone votes for different reasons and I can respect them, well not all of them, but honestly abortion is really low on my priority scale when choosing the person who'll run our foreign policy. Being adopted I think has skewed my view on the matter and I still haven't taken a stand one way or the other.

That being said I found the candidates to be rather cowardly in the debates about the issue. Sure they're trying to appeal to a large demographic, but first they make the claim about how if Roe v Wade was overturned it would be a great day for America, then suddenly make exceptions and backpedal. It was cringe inducing to see 10 men, who've probably never had to deal with the issue personally, sit there and claim abortion is murder and they hate it, yet most seemed content to live with it.

I don't get that at all. If you do feel abortion is in fact infanticide how can you make any sort of amends for it other than saving someone's life? I know it seems trendy to state 'I don't like abortion, but I believe it's a woman's choice', but saying you don't care for the practice is one thing. Believing it to be outright murder is another and how you can in any way condone killing children, if that's what you claim abortion to be, beguiles me.

This is the real problem with social issues such as this one. No one can take a stand one way or the other. Pro-life groups try to paint their opposition as baby killing, wife swapping atheists and pro-choice organizations portray the others as female hating, simple minded fascists. No one wants to be in either category so the make the exceptions of personally hating the procedure, but condoning the law no matter how flimsy the right to privacy ruling may be.

I'm not here to try and change your mind about abortion, cause really I haven't made up mine, but I do want you to think about why you would vote for a Presidential candidate. If you feel abortion is the most important issue with an office that can launch nuclear missiles then tell me how does your Governor feel about the issue?

"Abolition of a woman's right to abortion, when and if she wants it, amounts to compulsory maternity: a form of rape by the State." - Edward Abbey

In a strange twist

No longer are breast enlargements used exclusively by trophy wives and strippers. It seems to be popular for almost everyone under a C cup to desire large mammaries. Given the price of silicone and saline is so affordable any lower to middle class person can simply apply for a high interest credit card and go under the knife.

Men I know are divided over fake boobies. Some men hate them, others find them necessary, and there are those who are indifferent. I myself am torn. I love a good rack and unless I get my hands on them I can't really tell if they're real or fake. I do believe some women should not be allowed to mess with their already perfect bosom. There should be a court where I would stand as judge and jury. Women would apply for breast enlargement and I would deem them worthy of such an operation or deny them based upon how they currently look. Laugh now, but once I take over the world this will be my first order of business.

A woman in the UK decided it would be a great idea to have a large chest. Her husband thought otherwise. Instead of pleading with her to not try to gain the attention from various males he made the only logical conclusion he could come up with. He kidnapped her from the hospital by knife point before the operation could take place.

Now I'm all for this man sitting in jail for a long time, cause any man who holds a woman at knife point deserves pound-in-the-ass prison, but I'm wondering why exactly he did this. Was he afraid of the costs? Did the woman have nice breasts already and he was afraid the surgery might ruin them? Was his fear really about men gawking at his wife's chest all the time and she might come to the conclusion that she could be sleeping with hotter guys?

I'm guessing the latter is true. Coward. That's what he gets for having a small penis.

"Breast implants gross me out. I don't think they're attractive at all." - Natalie Portman

Boob job thug jailed for kidnap

Bad movies I love part 20.

There are those movies which you know are bad, but are so damn cool you can't deny you like them. Movies like Scarface, The Goonies, and The Warriors come to mind when I think about this, but there's a more recent film that I can add to the list.

I saw 300 in the Cinerama, which is one of the largest screens in the state. I wasn't sure what to expect exactly when I sat to watch the show, but I had a feeling that it would look good if nothing else. You know what? I was right.

300 has campy dialogue, overbearing narration, acting that leaves a lot to be desired, and it displays little care for historical accuracy. The Spartan army is built like the grecko ideal man while the Persians are deformed. Leonidas is the perfect leader; masculine, intelligent, and brave while Xerxes is a megalomaniac. Homoerotic outfits are abound and over used patriotic ramblings are sprinkled throughout. Almost every detail is overly sensationalized to the point I had to remind myself that this film is more based on Frank Miller's comic rather than the actual event.

The film is like eating a big bag of Skittles. Sure it tastes good on the surface, but under all that sugary goodness contains little substance. Still it's hard to find someone who doesn't enjoy tasting the rainbow.

300 has crowd pleasing action which is filmed brilliantly. Instead of using the new method of shaky cam, quick cut nonsense the shots are tight and are held on the action for quite a while. Also it has one of the best sex scenes I've ever seen. Sure at it's core is a mindless action romp, but it's one that doesn't leave you feeling ashamed that you enjoyed it.

"300 is a movie blood-drunk on its own artful excess. Guys of all ages and sexes won't be able to resist it." - Peter Travers

Why do you hate it so much?

Most of my readers, at least the few who comment on my posts, are from Canada for reasons I can't explain. Why our neighbors to the north are entertained by my mildly literate writings escapes me, but I do enjoy reading their blogs and hearing about their life up north.

I came across a trailer for a movie called 'Let's All Hate Toronto'. Living close to the border I've traveled to Vancouver B.C., mostly to do some underage drinking, and I've never heard Canadians bitch about Toronto, but then again it's hardly a good conversation piece.

The movie itself doesn't look all that entertaining so I ask you Canadians if the sentiment is true about Toronto. Do you guys really dislike the town? Is it sort of a nice little joke like people making fun of the French? How does it compare to Vancouver? If you do hate Toronto well then why?

We in the states seem to use Detroit for the butt of all jokes; however I still rank Oakland as the most worthless cities that I've ever had the displeasure of visiting. Seriously I can't name one good reason that it exists other than to remind us of what slum sprawl looks like. Oh and if you feel like getting into a bar fight the town will be accommodating.



"I like Toronto a lot, it's a good city. The only thing that really annoys me about Toronto is that you're turning Maple Leaf Gardens into a grocery store, which is absolutely nothing short of disgusting." - Rick Wakeman