My wife's friend Jackie is moving and she needed assistance in throwing out numerous items that belong to her seven year old daughter. In an attempt to make things go smoothly she asked that I take the kid to McDonald's while Jackie and my wife tackle the ever so difficult chore of cleaning out her room, which resembled Berlin circa 1945.
Kaitlyn, the child in question, buckled herself into my car and we set out on our journey to the kingdom of gluttony. I put in Quiet Riot's 'Cum on Feel the Noise'. I looked in my rear view mirror to find the child air drumming and trying to keep up with the simple lyrics.
We arrive to our destination so hungry that anything resembling food would do. I go to the counter to make an order, but browsing the menu proved more difficult than one would imagine. I got a Happy Meal for Kaitlyn and an Angus mushroom burger for myself.
The two of us sat down and I consumed the lukewarm pseudo food. Kaitlyn talked about how she loves the Star Wars cartoon, so we discussed the merits of Anakin Skywalker's crusade against the Separatists. She said she felt alone as she's one of two in her class that still believes in Santa so I informed her of the real Kris Kringle and how he's actually Elvis. She is now aware that the King faked his death in order to fulfill his lifelong goal of donning the red suit and bringing to toys to the good little boys and girls.
Her mom was not amused when she shared this revelation with her later.
Kaitlyn asked if she could play in the area designated for child amusement. I walk in there with her and she climbed around in the tubes and enjoyed her time in the slides. I sat and listened to the wails of other little tykes running around huffing and puffing. Three boys turned the area into their own pro-wrestling ring and were kicking and tackling each other as they giggled their way through their mock violence. Little girls were crying while their moms sat at their tables with a look of mild depression mixed with anxiety. One woman informed her daughter that it was time to leave the hallowed grounds of the play area, but the wee one informed her to stop it. The mom didn't take kindly to this and dragged her offspring kicking and yelling as if she was a husband being taken to a bridal shower.
Sounds of laughter and giddiness were coupled with those of extreme terror. The walls were dense and filled with the gleeful shouts of young kids and the gloom of overworked parents filled the air. Yes this is the life I want. Seriously.
"The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop." -Mark Twain