Sorority ass.

I was online Friday and the Pretty Girl pinged me on IM.

"Do you want to dress up tonight?" she said.

"For?" I asked.

"I was asked to chaperone a semi formal sorority dance at UW," she replied.

Interesting. Chaperoning a dance? Knowing what kind of activities I was usually involved in when I went to dances I found this situation laughable. I never belonged to a fraternity, nor had any desire to. I thought it might be interesting at least. I told her that I would do it.

The Pretty Girl belonged to the same sorority in college; however she went to USC instead of UW. Kind as she is she was recruited to chaperone this shin dig at short notice.

We arrived at the place and found a little nugget of a girl who had the voice of an 11 year old. She and two other people were frantically decorating the place hoping to have it all up before people arrive. The Pretty Girl and I sat down and chatted while we waited for the dance to start.

I was told that we wouldn't be there to enforce rules, but rather to be backup the other chaperones. The other two chaperones showed up finally. The girl was actually a member of the sorority and she brought her boyfriend along. We'll call her 'teacher', cause that's her current profession. I guess we'll call her boyfriend 'poor bastard'.

We introduced ourselves and made small talk. It was then I realized that I used to beat up people like me.

People started arriving and the Pretty Girl sat and commented on their attire. I noticed short skirts seemed to be coming back in, which isn't a bad thing in my opinion. I did notice that frayed 80s skirts seem to be the norm now. Being a child of the 80s I was hoping that those ugly fashion trends would never come back, but alas that is not the case.

We watched all sorts of activities that actually surprised me. I used to consider myself a desensitized individual. Now I know that is not the case.

I watched three girls give lapdances. Granted they were all clothed, but they sat their boyfriends down and gave them the ol rub the ass in the crotch dance. Boys have it so good now a days.

Poor Bastard went to the bathroom and came back and announced that there were more women in the men's restroom then guys. Apparently some kinky things were happening in the stalls. Teacher got pissed and interrogated the possible offending parties.

Most of the people seemed drunk, or at least acted like it. One girl was out on the balcony making out with her date and her boobs seemed to fall out of her dress. Rather than place the tits back in the dress she continued to let it hang out. This was told to me by the Pretty Girl as I sadly missed it.

There was a girl there that was so drunk her friends sat her down. She finally passed out and was carried out by a couple of nice gentlemen.

The boob girl came up to us four chaperones and asked us why we looked sad. She shook hands with us and announced that she knew me. I told her that wasn't the case to which she agreed and then bolted.

Poor Bastard and Teacher were chatting away and I looked and saw a girl who seemed to idolize Paris Hilton. She was a leggy blonde in a short revealing black dress with shades on. Paris wannabe was obviously tipsy and seemed to enjoy it. She was leaning over the rail of the balcony to which we could literally see her ass.

The Pretty Girl and I were laughing our asses off. Poor Bastard finally saw it and pointed it out to Teacher. Teacher got pissed and walked out there with her hands on her hips. After a lecture Paris wannabe fell over onto a bush and needed much assistance in the fine art of standing.

Poor Bastard finally decided to go sit in the car and wait out the night there. Smart fellow.

The DJ was one of the worst I've ever heard. He had a small library of rap that was once popular, but never cool. Some of the songs he even played twice.

The Pretty Girl and Teacher tried to convince me that this was not a good representation of sorority girls and most of them weren't like that at all. That's probably true. If I have a daughter though I'd rather her marry a biker than join a fraternal order of Greek named sisterhoods.

"I don't really think, I just walk." - Paris Hilton