Pinguis

Dating can be a rough road for some and I can empathize. Reality can and often does fall below expectations when you meet someone you can see a future with, even if it's just for a second date. Even the well mannered gents can find themselves in situations in their search for romance that are less than pleasant. Still even in my worst dating experiences I can always look back and say I had fun in the courtship, no matter how short. I've never ended a date with a involuntary escort to prison or found myself in the middle of a gun fight so I guess based on those low standards I can consider my personal life a success.

I was hanging with a friend last night and he told me about a date he had this weekend, his first in over two years. Yes two years. Being a trucker and somewhat anti-social he doesn't get out much nor does his finances allot for spending frivolously.

As one can expect with someone who doesn't hang with the opposite sex much when he described his behavior on the date I couldn't help but roll my eyes. He would recall a part of their meeting and then ask me if I would do that on a first date. My usual response was, "Hell no I wouldn't even do that on a third. What the hell were you thinking? No...no...don't explain this. Repeat after me: 'I solemnly swear to not do that on a first date ever again in my entire life or risk getting punted in the nuts.'" He would nod his head, open his mouth about to defend his actions, but like some annoyed parent I would raise my finger and say, "No man. You just don't do that. End of discussion."

So yeah my friend is out of touch with social norms in the ways of romance, but that's not to say I'm any sort of Casanova. There is a reason I'm still single and never been married.

My friend started to make his leave after we watched football and said he would call the lady and ask for a second meeting. I wished him luck and was getting ready for bed when he called back.

My friend: So I called her.
Me: How'd it go?
My friend: So I asked her if we could hang out again.
Me: And?
My friend: She said I'm too fat.
Me: ........
My friend: Yeah.

He started laughing nervously to the point it made me kind of uncomfortable.

Me: Dude I'm sorry.
My friend: Yeah well what do you do?
Me: Tell her she's not hot enough to be this picky?
My friend: Nah. I'll just let it go. As you say, there's plenty of others fish.
Me: There most certainly are my friend.
My friend: Yeah well I need to go fishing.
Me: Indeed you do.
My friend: Gotta work on my bait though.

My friend is no bigger than me. I got to hit the gym more in hopes I never have to hear that ever. Actually I kind of hope someone does say that to me so I can deliver a soul crushing comeback.

"My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away." - Jenny McCarthy