Aug 10, 2005


Someone recently called my faith into question, which never happens. I doubt she's even aware of it. I've been dwelling on it ever since.

My cousin goes to a mountain near his place and actually talks with God. I'm not kidding. He sometimes can be there for days praying and fasting for the Lord. After a long session up on his mountain he told my parents that Jesus has "great plans for your son." Good to know someone does. Say what you will about him, but I admire his conviction. I wish I was so convicted either way.

Being on the fence as I am I often worry about my demise. If God does exist then I better get an excellent lawyer before I face him on judgment day. I imagine the conversation will go like this:

Lawyer: Lord Jesus, please forgive my client Erik of all the wickedness he has committed and endured.

Jesus: Why should I do that counsel?

Lawyer: He is merely a pompous jackass who believed himself to be the center of his own universe. He knows your word, but rejected it.....

Erik: ...this is your defense?

Lawyer: You're right Erik. Lord Jesus, there's no excuse for Erik. I resign my counsel for he is a lost cause. Good luck Erik.

Jesus: What do you have to say for yourself?

Erik: uhh...can I have more time to get another lawyer?

Jesus: No my child.

Erik: Well then I guess there's nothing to say but I'm sorry. (Floor falls open beneath Erik.)

Roll credits.

When I was a wee lad I used to have fantasies about the end of the world. I wanted to be a soldier fighting alongside Michael the archangel. I would mount my valiant steed with sword in hand charging with reckless abandon at the forces of evil. The dark lords would quiver at my awesome presence and surrender at first strike. Alas I grew old and cynical.

"So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth" - Revelations 3'16.

Almighty Church of Foamy

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