Jul 11, 2006

Why the hell do we like the abuse?

I was reading a blog post earlier today concerning a girl who lived with a roommate who had an abusive boyfriend. The story was a sad one, but instead of having the Lifetime network ending of the girl beating the guy down with a random object and having him put in jail for life and afterwards being whisked off her feet by a knight in shining armor this girl decided to stay with the prick.

It reminded me of my own experience knowing a friend who was once a victim, or shall I say glutton?

I was working at a video store years ago and was trained by a girl named Donene (sp). She was a funny gal who enjoyed lively conversation and I will always remember the fact that she had the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen in person. I mean these were Locklear eyes and were just stunning.

The rest of her physical appearance though was cute, but she had a thrashy look that may remind of you of a Poison groupie. She had a long haired perm and a bad blonde dye job. Donene also sported 80s style jeans with big baggy sweatshirts and white trash jewelry. Her appearance fit the definition of what me and my friends would call "a six pack and a Blockbuster night girl", which, yeah, is crude on our part.

I enjoyed working with Donene as she always had great stories to tell. She was very open and we both had fun playing games and chatting it up during the slow periods.

I came into the store and said hello to her one day. Sometimes she would smile and say hello back, sometimes she would even give me a hug, sometimes she would flirt, but this time she wouldn't even look at me. Not a glance.

"What's wrong kid?" I asked.

"Nothing," she said still looking at the floor.

"Don't give me that," I pestered. "Tell me what's up in Donene's world."

She looked up at me and her face displayed two black eyes. I was stunned and didn't know what to say. Did she get into an accident? What?

"He hit me," she said in a meek voice.

"He hit you?" I asked. I was still under the pain of shock hearing this.


"Why? What happened?"

"We started fighting and I tried to leave. He threw a pot at me and grabbed me to I couldn't leave." At that point she showed me some bruises on her arm.

"And?" I said.

"And then he hit me a couple of times. I finally got away from him and got out of there."

"Where did you stay last night?"

"In my car."

She did not call the police even under my intense badgering. She kept making excuses for his behavior and would hear none of my offers to go over and show the guy how men really fight. Donene did say that this time she would leave him for good.

"This time?" I asked with even more shock. "How many times has this happened?"

"A few," she sheepishly replied.

"Dear God and you still stuck with him. Why the fuck would you do that?"

"Cause I love him."

"Look so does Jesus, but even the savior sends people to eternal torment."

"I love him Erik. You don't know him like I do."

"And you don't know him like I do either. He's an emotional cripple, a coward, and undeserving of your or anyone's love."

"He's been through a lot."

"So have a lot of people. Most don't beat their girlfriends."

The conversation ended with her agreeing to end it with him for good. I was relieved to hear this and as time went on she seemed to be perking up. Instead of wearing the baggy sweatshirts she wore more flattering attire. It was then I found out she wore such huge clothing to cover up the many bruises she endured.

She was quick to jump on the dating scene and had no problem finding guys to give her attention. Having sexy eyes and an ample rack will do that.

Donene met a few guys. Guys with good jobs and who treated her with lavish affection. Some would send her flowers at work. Some would stop by and bring her lunch. No matter how much attention these guys gave her she always found some excuse for breaking it off with them.

"He's too nice," was a phrase I heard often when she mentioned those guys. Shivers hit me when she said this. A few times I've heard this line from possible girlfriends who were basically saying if I treated them like dog shit they'd be all over me. For some reason I could never bring myself to look at a woman as dirt and for this I heard the 'too nice' speech while they planned to get back together with their ex that neglected them.

Months later Donene eventually got back together with the abuser stating she felt comfortable with him. I don't know how cozy I'd be while deflecting punches from my significant other on a regular basis, but I imagine she had her own issues as well. I did feel sorry for her for it seemed like every man in her childhood and teen years either neglected her or outright used her. I have no idea what that's like, nor will I even try to understand the pain associated with her life.

I will never figure out why people are so attracted to misery.

"It's just a show. It's not the end of Western Civilization. It's chewing gum." - Jerry Springer


Scott said...

Way too complicated a question to answer here. Suffise it to say that people get into the cycles and it is not easy for them to come out of them.


Alyssa said...

Lets just send them all to africa.

Alyssa said...

I added you to my listings.. hope thats alright.

Wiwille said...

Africa may be too good a place for them.

Are you sure you want to recommend my tripe to your friends? I'll add you to mine as well. I read it enough and I'm sure others will enjoy it. I will miss the adventures of boobman though..sniff.

Alyssa said...

he is a nasty, nasty man.

Wiwille said...

I imagine him to be the nastiest of the nasties. It's sad that men like him exist. I'm glad I'm not a female. He's proof every woman should be skilled in the martial arts.