Lentus

I feel like a real candy ass. The past few months I've seen a musical, been to a symphony, watched a Tyler Perry movie, took my mom and aunt shopping, ordered a girly drink, and starting honing my culinary skills.

I feel I may be in need of a masculine intervention to make up for all the pansy activities I've done. Sure it won't be as extreme as driving an expensive convertible with a supermodel going down on me as I'm eating a steak sandwich while I think about my cage fighting match later that night, but something at least.

If you have ever listened to the Men's Room on a regular basis you are familiar with the The Men's Room Rules. Submitted by listeners and voted upon by the radio talents these are laws that they feel all men should follow in order to retain their masculinity. So today we'll be looking at a particular set (Article 4:You are a man, god damn it, ACT LIKE IT) and see how I measure up.

Section 1: No man should ever speak badly about bacon or sex. Can't say I've done either, well unless it involves a farm in Enumclaw. (Yeah I went there).

Section 2: Never watch the movie "The Notebook" Guilty. I have a crush on Rachel McAdams.

Section 3: No man shall ever be required to buy another man a birthday gift. In fact, even remembering you're buddies birthday is strictly optional. I don't think this has ever been required of me nor have I expected it.

Section 4: If a man borrows another mans tools, he must return them in the same shape that he received them. If the tool is damaged, the borrower is responsible for replacing said tool. A sign of this should be hanging in every garage.

Section 5: Never dress to match your girlfriend or wife. Damnit I've done this. I dated a girl with very particular fashion tastes and sometimes she politely suggested what outfit I wear to a particular outing. Usually that suggestion came with an unspoken consequence, so I went with it. We didn't do anything stupid like wear the exact same shirt or some other nonsense.

Section 6: Two men should never walk down the street under the same umbrella. I don't use an umbrella. I'm good here.

Section 7: Never let a woman order for you in a restaurant. I will gladly continue to break this rule. Females have ordered sushi and other items for me and the results have always been good.

Section 8: No man should ever ride bitch on another man's motorcycle. This almost goes without saying. Never done it, never will.

Section 9: Under no circumstances is any man allowed to send an emoticon ;-) =) :-p etc. to another man. I may have done this. There's one emoticon that's in the shape of a beer mug. I know Tad has sent me numerous emoticons...wait I have done this. Damn.

Section 10: No man shall ever feed or be fed by another man, unless the recipient of said feeding is physically or mentally handicapped, or otherwise restricted in any way that prevents feeding oneself. I can't see why anyone would even think of this.

Section 11: There is no reason for a man to watch men's figure skating or men's gymnastics. EVER. What would Brian Botano do?

Section 12: No man shall have any kind of fuzzy decoration on, or in, his car. I've seen many guys with fuzzy decorations in their vehicle and it never ceases to make me want to light the thing on fire.

Section 13: Unless in the entertainment industry, no man shall wear makeup. Duh.

Section 14: No man should take longer to get ready then his wife/girlfriend. If you do take longer than your girlfriend/wife to get ready, you best be going out in an astronaut suit.

Section 15: Never be a part of a candle party. Candle party? WTH is that?

Section 16: Never share a desert with another man. Joe, Corey, and I would often go to Shari's and order coffee and peanut butter pie and talk politics. I don't regret a single minute of those times.

Section 17: Don't skip, ever. I don't think I've done that as an adult, but given my reputation for doing silly stuff when under the influence it may have happened.

Section 18: Never write in pink. Yeah. Just don't do it.

Section 19: The list of words that no man shall EVER use.

• Subsection A: List
1. Garment. Yep
2. Periwinkle Nope
3. Supple Yep
4. Duvet ?
5. Precious I've had conversations about LOTR, so yeah.
6. Fabulous *Under review for comedic value. For comedy purposes sure.
7. Adore Yep
8. Lavender Yep
9. Mommy Of course.
10. Daddy Who hasn't used this in carnal activity at some point?
11. The term “BFF” I would never refer to my friends that way.
12. To Die for Many times in discussing Scarlett.
13. Bye Bye Said it to kids.
14. Delish Didn't know this existed.
15. Décor Yep.
16. Ciao` (Sounds like “CHOW”) The term “Chow” is allowed when speaking about the food or the dog breed I deal with customers around the world. I have used this on occasion. When in Rome....
17. XOXOXOXO Nope
18. Wee-Wee, Tinkle, or Potty. Do any of these guys have children in their care at some point?
19. Ickey Yeah that word needs to go away.
20. Sniffles Probably.
21. Extravagant Yep.
22. Elegant How else do you describe Grace Kelly?
23. Never refer to a purse as a clutch If you make up names for purses there's something wrong with you.

Section 20: Things no man should have

• Subsection B: List
1. Decorative soap. None.
2. Decorative toilet seat Hahahahaha
3. Anything Cher, Barbra Streisand, or Celine Dion. Poor Tad.
4. A diary. Does a blog count?
5. A collection of chick flicks. I failed this one miserably.
6. Body waxing supplies. That's just wrong. Unless you're an Olympic swimmer you should not wax.
7. A collection past girlfriend’s panties. Good call.

Section 21: Things all men should have

• Subsection A: List
1. Your favorite pizza joint on speed dial On the to-do list.
2. Lighter Everywhere I go.
3. Porn Seriously did this need to be said?
4. Belt With my ever shrinking and growing waist this is a must.
5. Tools. At least a flat head and Phillips head screw driver, as well as a crescent wrench. I can't believe they didn't include a hammer.

Section 22: If you have a son, teach him how to play sports. Except figure skating and gymnastics. You couldn't watch him if you were to obey Section 11. I have no son, or child for that matter, so this can go in the NA column.

Section 23: No man shall blame another for their gas, man up and be proud. Beat chest proudly while at it. Does it count if you blame a woman for your gas?

Section 24: No man shall ever attend or be a part of a "shower" (Baby, wedding, etc) A girl I used to date insisted on the idea of a couple's shower for a wedding. I'm with the men on this one, no guy should be required to attend a shower.

Section 25: When in a group of men, don't expose your junk. Unless you want it kicked.

Section 26: No man to man back rubs. I'm going to have this tattooed across my shoulder blades.

Section 27: Never buy a Volkswagen Cabriolet or Mazda Miata I'm looking at you Alec.

Section 28: If you call another man, have a point. Never call just for small talk. Agreed.

Section 29: One man should never go up to another mans woman and tell her stuff that the other man has done. This penalty deserves the death penalty.

Section 30: Every man should have a S.A.C (Spousal Avoidance Center) A place to drink, smoke, and get away from the woman. The cornerstone of a happy relationship.

Section 31: No man shall take a photo of another man doing something incriminating. I disagree. It could be really really funny.

Section 32: If a man pukes in your car, he is held liable to get your entire car detailed. I'm looking at you Quoc.

Section 33: While eating a banana, never look another men in the eyes. I would never think of this in a thousand years.

Section 34: Never let another man adjust your tie while it is still around your neck. Unless you two are in a fight. It can come in handy for a choke out.

Section 35: NO man shall invite another man over to watch porn. I have one friend who is a connoisseur of all things pornographic, but he's never invited me over specifically to watch it. Although I assume it's on when I do go over.

Section 36: Never buy personal lubricant for any reason while with another man. Not even if it's on sale?

Section 37: No nude sunbathing. Sunbathing alone is just wrong.

Section 38: Never dot an "i" with anything other then a dot. Any man who does otherwise should really turn in their man card. Seriously.

Section 39: No man shall go back on a bet once hands have shaken No woman should either.

Section 40: No bubble baths, unless accompanied by a woman. Not even if it's Star Wars bubble bath? Yeah I guess no guy should do this alone under any circumstances.

Section 41: A man shall not use texts, email, or voicemail to tell off a friend. This must be reminded to many in the Puget Sound as it seems to be the mecca of passive/aggressive mentality.

Section 42: No man shall ever watch a Richard Simmons workout video. I'm still shocked this guy has a career.

Section 44: No man shall ever listen to Fall Out Boy I'll take it as a blessing that I can't name one of their songs.

Section 45: No man shall rub or pat another mans knee. Indeed.

Section 46: If you are the first person through the door, hold it for the people behind you. It shocks me that this has to be said, but it does.

Section 47: Never hit a woman. Sometimes the obvious needs to be stated. Bullshit. If a woman comes at me with a knife, or any deadly weapon for that matter, they can expect to be punched, kicked, thrown, choked, etc until I'm in a reasonable sense of safety. Sorry ladies, but if you don't want to get hit don't enter the arena of combat.

Section 48: No man shall bum more then 3 cigarettes from any other man before getting him back. Again a good call.

Section 49: When offered greens, don't burn more then half of the greens, so the on deck hitter can also enjoy some. Don't smoke it, so I don't have to worry about breaking this.

Well I've broken some on this list so I guess I'll have to make up for it by hunting bear armed only with a Swiss Army knife.

"Faced with the reality that some men do not find these truths to be self evident. We, the men of the men's room, in order to provide guidance, establish order, and insure proper etiquette. Do hereby submit," - The Men's Room

Wiwille's Movie Reviews part 74

Period pieces can be a tough sell if the audience who lived during the film's setting is still alive. Audiences are quick to scrutinize a movie taking place during a time and region they're familiar with. Still when a director pulls it off the results can be amazing. I recall my folks being amazed by the dialogue and look of LA Confidential or my Grandpa Mario telling me how The Grapes of Wrath wasn't just a piece of fiction, but a tale many endured during the Great Depression.

Sometimes we even choose to accept the reality of a film we know deep down is a poor representation of anything resembling authenticity. For example I'll paraphrase the great Tony Horowitz: Nothing has had such an impact on romanticizing the antebellum south than Gone with the Wind, a movie that was shot on a Hollywood back lot. Many have chosen to accept the characterization as accurate even though Tara nor the characters that inhabited it ever existed.

The Man in the Moon is one of those films that transported me to a time and place I'm largely unfamiliar with, but for whatever reason it felt authentic. Taking place in late 50s it tells the story of two southern teenage sisters who are entering that confusing time of growing into woman hood. The younger sister, played brilliantly by Reese Witherspoon, falls for her neighbor. The boy is a few years older and can't take being the object of affection by someone so seemingly naive, especially when he meets her older sister. Drama ensues, tragedy is struck, and both girls come to accept life's hardships and start to put aside childhood fantasies.

Films are fiction as we all know, but when a writer captures the feeling of a time we may hardly remember, or in some cases want to forget, we can't help be entertained. The Man in the Moon seems like a simple coming of age story, but it's one that truly respects it's characters. Rather than showing teenagers as simply shallow and selfish the scripts allows them to be thoughtful, decent, and at their worst confused, which is very refreshing. With strong performances by the already mention Reese Witherspoon in her first role the movie is worth it for the acting alone. What amazed me most about the story is how it arcs almost wildly through emotions, but is never corny or cheap. As I said before the script respects it's players, but the director also shows the same for his audience.

No one actually submitted this for review, but a few bloggers recommended this so I thought what the hell. I haven't written about film in a while. Given the movie's strengths I would recommend it, but it's something I'll never watch again for reasons I won't get into.

Wanna see a film reviewed by Wiwille? Drop me an email or comment and you'll see it soon on Erik's Ramblings. Rules are posted here.

"As the film approached its conclusion without having stepped wrong once, I wondered whether he could do it - whether he could maintain the poetic, bittersweet tone, and avoid the sentimentalism and cheap emotion that could have destroyed this story. Would he maintain the integrity of this material? He would, and he does." - Roger Ebert

Provectus

We walked into the place and immediately saw a live band playing disco. She smirked and looked at me with a face trying to hide her embarrassment.

"We can leave if you want," she said over the loud band. "We don't have to do this."

"Nah," I replied. "Let's say hi to your friends. Besides I have a feeling this will make great blog fodder."

Big Daddy's was packed to the brim with cougars and the men who love them. Botox and discount implants were in order and those that sported such middle class luxuries were eager to show them off. Middle aged ladies were dressed to impress any that would take a gander at some cleavage. It was their time to show off their aging goods, but considering all the attention they were receiving it was working. The men rarely made eye contact and given some of the raver gear that was inappropriately placed it wasn't hard to understand why. The females were strutting around feeling like the sexiest beings ever.

We walked to the table packed with her friends and made introductions. One drunk gal accused me of looking very friendly and inviting. As God as my witness I've never heard that before in my life. I looked at my friend and asked if she wanted a drink. She said she needed something strong.

We sat and made conversation as we people watched. She was scoping out the guys hoping to find someone hot for her friends. As I scoped out the middle aged gents I found their fashions amusing. The older men get they seem to feel the buttons on their shirt are necessary. As I checked out the dance floor I saw a few older men hovering around the edges standing there with drinks in hand subtlety, and not so much, bopping along to the music. They were eyeballing the herd, looking for their opportunity to move in on a lady, welcome or not. This was just like any other club, except for the one old guy in other venues this place had seventeen of them.

I saw a guy with a mullet dancing with a woman that was a decade older than him. She seemed to be happy as they twirled about and made merry. A man in a aqua-teel shirt was sporting the same cut as Michael J Fox did in 'Family Ties' and spent more time on his hair then your average Hollywood diva. Bad goatees were abound, tight jeans were the norm, and horrific dancing was ever present.

"You feel young here?" she asked.

"Young?" I replied. "I feel like Peter fucking Pan right now."

I started messaging everyone I knew who lived in the area telling them about how awesome this place was. No one believed me. For shame.

To all DJs and live bands out there: If you really want to get the older folk on the dance floor just play Lady Marmalade. The females will drag any man, whether they know them or not, out to boogie.

As all good things the night had to come to an end. I walked out of there pondering about what I just observed. Granted I was making fun of 90% of the clientele in the place for being silly, but they wouldn't care if they had access to my thoughts. It was their time to strut about, feel sexy, and just enjoy the moment. I hope when I turn 46 I can have evenings where I can take whomever I'm dating and dance it up with Right Said Fred, not giving a damn about the opinions of others. God bless them all for living the dream.

"Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don't want to be the old guy in the club. You know what I'm talking about. Every club you go into, there's always some old guy. He ain't really old, just a little too old to be in the club." - Chris Rock

Thursday Music

I'm feeling a bit under the weather today which sucks. I'm supposed to go see the Misfits tonight, but that may not happen if I don't get better by the evening. I was looking forward to it to.

Saturday I'm off to the symphony. Yes go ahead and read that again. I'll be attending Carmina Burana by Orff. For those of you unfamiliar it's based loosely on a series of medieval poetry, but supposedly the piece has no real meaning at all. You've probably heard music from it whether you realized it or not.

I'm kind of excited to get dressed up and go see a real symphony this time. I haven't been to one, besides Star Wars in Concert, since I was 19. Ahh...to be 19 again.

So today good readers I bring you O'Fortuna which is arguably the most popular one from Carmina Burana:



"Although Orff had collaborated with the Nazis the music itself commits no sins simply by being and remaining popular. That 'Carmina Burana' has appeared in hundreds of films and television commercials is proof that it contains no diabolical message, indeed that it contains no message whatsoever." - Alex Ross

Plumbeus

For all of our nation's recent tragedies the self appointed guru of our country's moral fabric has the reasons behind each. Regardless if it be a natural disaster or the result of terrorism, domestic and otherwise, Pat Robertson always believes it has something to do with the citizens wavering in their belief of the good book.

Of course he has an explanation behind the Fort Hood killings and that involves claiming Islam is not a religion and more of a political ideology. He goes on to say we should treat it like someone would a fascist party.

What's interesting about this is not only the offense he gives to billions of Muslims who practice the faith in varying ways, just like his brand of religion he chose to accept, is that his own faith can be viewed in the same light. If you've read any of his books, or even listened to him for more than ten minutes on his 700 Club television program, you'd see that his main goal is not just to spread the word of the Holy Bible, but to change the heart of the electorate into voting as he would have them. Granted he doesn't call upon his viewers to take upon acts of violence, but he has on occasion encouraged the practice by his government. Some would say this is un-Christian, but I disagree. Anyone who sees Christ as a unwavering pacifist must have read a different Gospel than myself.

Gandhi once claimed that religion is political and those who disagree don't understand the world's major faiths. I would take that a step further and say for any who can't correlate the two don't comprehend politics as well.

It's certainly easy to understand how one can try and to make sense out of a senseless act. It's seems natural to most and religious leaders like Robertson have made a career of it. We still have a lot to learn about mental illness and the unknown always scares us, but that doesn't stop people, including your author here, from laying blame wherever they see fit. I simply see the shooter as someone who's extremely disturbed as well as a coward. Does that make me presumptuous?

Robertson has blamed hurricanes on our foreign policy, even though they've been happening in the south well before the United States was even an idea, but I'm sure he has an answer for that too. I guess the Native Americans were at fault for not saying grace before each meal even though the lord's word never hit the shores. Heathens.

It's the tyranny of an oligarchy that I'm concerned about. - Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson on Ft. Hood: Islam is ‘not a religion’ and Muslims should be treated like ‘some fascist group.’

Prodigo

I have a weird question for the folks in blogger land. How well do you have to know a person before you poop in their home?

I've asked people about this in a very unscientific manner and the answers varied as one would normally expect. Some felt it's a normal bodily function and will sit on the throne where ever and when ever. Others felt that their poopie stink shouldn't be shared with the masses and were only comfortable at home or around folk they know very well.

Now I normally don't care about doing such an activity at any and all times, but there are moments where I'm concerned. See I could be sitting in someone's place, say a person I don't know very well or they're smoking hot, and let out an gargantuan bowel movement that's equally as smelly that results in clogging the toilet so bad an industrial sized plunger won't fix the problem and the apartment management team would have to come in with a pipe snake to allow a proper flush which embarrasses the occupant of said dwelling not mention the reliever of said contents.

Run on sentences. It's what I do.

Not that the above has ever happened before. Nope never. Moving on.

That all being said no one should feel ashamed about using the facilities at my place. Enjoy the reading material. Plungers and cleaning material is handy.

"At least he's not the one who plugged up your toilet." - Jason to Eli

Mereo

I was out with someone a few months back and we were getting to know each other. She was open with past dating history and went into details that were unsolicited. Still her honesty was refreshing so I asked some questions. One led to a very interesting answer.

When I asked her why she broke up with her last boyfriend she turned to me and said "I deserve better."

Deserve better. That phrase has always turned me off.

"Don't you want what you deserve?" she asked.

"Me," I replied. "I don't deserve anything."

"What do you mean?" she probed.

"Look," I stated. "I consider myself very fortunate to be adopted by a good family, live in a good country, and have good health. I'm no Gandhi. I've never done anything in my life to say I deserve happiness, or anything for that matter. I'm no more worthy than anyone who suffers to live a good life."

She paused for a bit contemplating what I just said. The look in her eyes made it clear she wasn't happy with my assessment on life's gifts and probably felt a little offended about me galloping on my high horse. As her eyes gazed off into the abyss of thought she finally came up with a line as best she could.

"I just think," she said. "That we all deserve happiness."

"Why?"

"I...I just do."

"Ok."

I love how entitled we are to a good life free of the horrors of nature and CW programming.

On similar lines a friend of mine told me yesterday that she can't see me ever getting married, because I'm too picky and hung up on a woman. She may be right. Scarlett's hard to get over.

"A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve." - Joseph Joubert

Thursday Music

Old friends doing silly and often stupid things make for great memories and thankfully I have plenty of them. Of course most of those involve drinking copious amounts of alcohol, but that's besides the point. Or is it?

I used to work with some great people who I made fast friends with, cause we shared a common interest in beer. What we now refer to as 'garage days' Jeff, Jason, Dave, and I would spent countless hours consuming pints in their house and jabbering it up with any and all who would join us.

For whatever reason the boys liked to sing and had me join them when I was inebriated enough. This was amusing to most, if not offensive depending on which song we chose to entertain our guests with. One tune was often used in our spontaneous quartet and listening to it now always puts a smile on my face.

I know the suspense must be killing you, so without further ado I bring you said song:



"Things are looking up for the comedic music world, but there are many brilliant acts who have burned out before their time and many more that have gone unnoticed. Among the greatest of these lost musical comedy groups is Corky and the Juice Pigs." - mediapotluck.blogspot.com

Somnium

Beer. There's nothing it can't do. I don't drink as much as I should, which is a damn shame really. I should just add it to my daily vitamin intake. I'm sure Vitamin C goes down well with a good porter.

Now let it be known that I'm against going to anything spa oriented. No pedicures or facials (hehe I said facial) for me, cause I'm all man damn it. I see no reason for me to spend my money on any of the like, until now.

A spa in Austria allows their customers to swim in a pool filled with beer. At first I wasn't sure how I felt about this. I mean why not drink it instead? Then I thought about all the good things the fine beverage has given me besides fodder for this blog.

I've found many uses for beer other than using it as an excuse for my often silly and socially unsound behavior, so why not try it? If I ever get married, which is about as likely as Pat Buchanan being a keynote speaker at a NAACP convention, I think this would make a great bachelor party. Me in a pool full of beer with girls who normally seek employment at Deja Vu. I like it.

Great idea. I'm full of them.

"These pools really can help some health problems - but if they don't work for you, you'll probably have drunk enough not to care about it anymore." - Markus Amann

Pool of beer

Choose your own adventure with Wiwille

Page 1

You awake to the sound of a maddening alarm clock. Do you:

Hit the snooze button? Turn to page 5.
Crawl out of bed and get ready for work? Turn to page 2.

Page 2.

As you slowly crawl out of bed you realize that you've got a case of the morning wood. Do you:

Decide to take care of it before work? Turn to page 5.
Decide to instead let it go and keep the windows down in the car hoping the freezing cold will help junior not stand at salute? Turn to page 3.

Page 3.

In a haze you respond to all the text messages you received while you were asleep. You gather up your lunch and workout gear and head out the door of your apartment. You get into your car and start up your vehicle ready to head into work. You notice that you're a little low on gas. Do you:

Stop at the nearest gas station to fill up? Turn to page 5.
Decide to let it go hoping you'll make it? Turn to page 4.

Page 4.

You head down the freeway anticipating traffic. All seems normal until some meth addict trucker swerves into your lane for no apparent reason. Do you:

Swerve out of the way and pull up along side the trucker making your displeasure known by giving him the finger? Turn to page 12.
Let it go and drive on? Turn to page 6.

Page 5.

Your dillydallying has resulted in you showing up late for work. You're fired. Go home and kill yourself.

Page 6.

You arrive at work and realize the text messages you sent earlier were intended for another person. After you publish your latest blog and updating your Facebook status do you:

Decide to respond appropriately to all? Turn to page 7.
Let it go unresolved? Turn to page 9.

Page 7.

After a busy day of work you pack up your laptop and head to the gym. As you enter the workout room you see a hot woman working out on the elliptical trainer from behind. Do you:

Stare at that fine looking body intently for longer than is appropriate? Turn to page 11.
Quickly glance away knowing that it's kinda creepy to be oogling someone like that at a gym? Turn to page 8.

Page 8.

You mount the elliptical trainer and do your workout all the while watching Cash Cab. Afterwards you hit the weights and then hit the showers. You start to head home. After filling your gas tank finally you take the short commute. You walk up to your place ready to make dinner. You suddenly pass your incredibly hot neighbor. Do you:

Smile and make polite contact? Turn to page 10.
Try and hold in that fart you've been saving to release into your roommate's bedroom? Turn to page 13.

Page 9.

Your boss stops by your cube and fires you for texting him the message 'You're a complete assclown' earlier that day. Go home and kill yourself.

Page 10.

After exchanging pleasantries you enter your home and make dinner. After a scrumptious meal you catch up on phone calls and watch some news. You then practice your guitar while watching a movie. Afterwards you log in to your computer, chat with friends, then lay your head down for some shut eye. You are awakened by another text message. Do you:

Wake up and respond in a haze? Turn to page 14.
Decide to let it go until morning? Turn to page 1.

Page 11.

You mount the elliptical trainer next to her. After seeing her face you realize she's all of 16. Chris Hanson walks in and asks you to have a seat over there. You will be forever immortalized on Dateline. Go home and kill yourself.

Page 12.

The trucker follows you into work. He steps out of his vehicle and beats you savagely with a baseball bat. You crawl into the office late and your boss fires you. Go home and kill yourself.

Page 13.

You can't hold in your noxious gasses any longer and create an epic fart in front of the fair maiden. You have just destroyed any delusions you may have had about possibly dating the girl. Go home and kill yourself.

Page 14.

You respond incoherently and go back to bed. Go to page 1.

"You read them as a kid and they captured your imagination. Now they are back for the next generation. They are Choose Your Own Adventure books." - Comicgeekspeak.com

Turpis

I've never used Axe body spray. Even though the commercials indicated that use of their products would send women into frenzies mounting me at any occassion, appropriate or not. Still I'm pretty much immune to such weird advertising. I've never been to a Hooters which may come as a surprise to many.

Some jackass is now suing Lynx because use of their products, such as Axe, has failed to help him find romance as advertised. Now everyone hates lawsuits like this, because it rewards the dumb, the lazy, and the greedy, but what's most fascinating is that this particular court battle is not taking place in America. Yes this is going on overseas. I guess stupid civil trials are not exclusive to the States.

This never happened to me when I played football:



"The company cheated me because in its advertisements, it says women will be attracted to you if you use Axe. I used it for seven years but no girl came to me." - Vaibhav Bedi

Man sues Lynx after failing to pull in seven years

Aetas

"It's a retarded idea that was invented by a drunk man while sleeping with french whores."

My friend's assessment of Daylight Savings Time is the most accurate I've heard to date. I've asked many why this seemed necessary and most gave very good answers, but still it made little sense to me. I never complained too much about it as it only affected me twice a year, but it still served as an inconvenience.

Today was no different. I set my alarm on my phone to 5am as usual to get up for work. The service carrier sets the clocks forward and backward as needed. The alarm went off as usual, but at 5:01 am the clock turned back an hour automatically unbeknownst to me.

I stroll into work to find my Grizzly Adams looking coworker having a smoke outside. He asked me what time it was. When I told him he disagreed. Strange I thought.

I sit in my cube and log on to my computer. Sure enough I was wrong in my assessment of the correct time. I look at my phone and it's an hour back. Sigh. I'm at work an hour early. Oh well. I had emails to read (delete) so I made use of my time.

A few minutes go by and my alarm goes off again. I hate DST.

"I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year." - Victor Borge

Thursday Music

As I've written about before covers are often a mixed bag. While some cry fowl at the thought of their precious songs being bastardized I think otherwise. It's all fair game in modern music as songs are hardly written as long epics.

This morning I came into work listening to Social Distortion's cover of 'Ring of Fire'. While I love Johnny Cash I have to admit that he wasn't the best artist. Sure his music is considered iconic, but really the playing and singing were less than perfect. Not that quality really matters in music anymore, but I appreciate the work of the man in black and always will.

I welcome any and all covers though. If I hate them then I can simply chose not to listen to them, or I could mail the band a box of the contents of yesterday's Mongolian Grill dinner I had consumed.

So today dear readers I bring you Social Distortions 'Ring of Fire':



"When I record somebody else's song, I have to make it my own or it doesn't feel right. I'll say to myself, I wrote this and he doesn't know it!" - Johnny Cash

Rememdium

Quite a while back I was dating a girl who was very interested in alternative medicines and often professed their effectiveness. I asked her what she thought about homeopathy. From the start it was clear our definition of the old method of dilution of medicine was very different. She claimed to have a strong background in Eastern and other medical practices that aren't embraced by the scientific community, yet she had no idea who Samuel Hahnemann was nor why he's largely considered the founder of homeopathy.

To give you a little background Samuel Hahnemann was a German doctor who was trying to find a way to provide medicine to poor people as an alternative to the often then used methods of bloodletting. He devised a theory that diluting medicine to a level to where the medicinal properties are non-existent, then use some form of striking method, usually shaking, would suddenly render the substance effective having absorbed material and spirtual properties. While this has no medicinal value at all beyond a placebo effect the poor embraced it and Homeopathy was born.

Now you don't need a strong background in chemistry to see how nonsensical, and possibly dangerous, this is. Again it's basically water, but to abandon traditional science in favor of drinking Aquafina can lead to disastrous results. While Hahnemann is credited with curing the insane and various other wild claims, some of which he was correct about if only partially, the scientific community as a whole scoffs at such practices. Of course most practitioners in homeopathy will tell you it's a conspiracy by the pharmaceutical industry.

The girl was none too pleased about my assessment of alternative medicines. I actually felt kind of bad telling her my opinion, even though I'm firm in my belief. It was like I destroyed someone's faith. No one likes being told they've been lied to. That being said she was still adamant about her belief in the practice and is probably still to this day.

So in honor of Mattbear, who needs to blog more, I'm going to post about his favorite subject, crazy people. In the video below you'll see a renowned homeopath lecturing on physics and alternative medicine. Be warned dear readers for your head will hurt.



"I do not expect that homeopathy will ever be established as a legitimate form of treatment, but I do expect that it will continue to be popular." - James Randi

Contego

Politics has often brought out the worst in people and R-71 in Washington state has seemed to be an excuse for the truly dumb to wave their idiot flag. For those unfamiliar the referendum that's been presented to the voters will grant domestic partners all rights and responsibilities afforded under the law to married couples. While opposition to this has been expected I never assumed how low campaigners against this would go.

Protect Marriage Washington has been leading the fight against gay marriage in our state. Their group has rallied to defend themselves as what they see as an assault on their values. On their website yesterday they decided to mislead their followers in ways so stupid even Birthers were probably taken aback. They launched a commercial citing some statistics that when 'Scandinavia' legalized homosexual unions in 2004 drug use and crime escalated to incredible levels that very year.

Note they ever cite which country in Scandinavia they are referring to, probably because they think it's its own sovereign nation. I thought Palin was bad for not recognizing Africa as being a continent. Regardless no country in the region legalized gay marriage in 2004 and no sources are cited regarding the use of illegal substances or crime as a whole for that matter in the area. Today they've thankfully took down the information and video from their website, but of course no retraction has been published as of yet. Still the site is littered with crazy ramblings from their rallies and horrid use of grammar.

The rest of the content given on the site is equally painful, but they no longer bother with things called facts. Probably a smart move on their part since it's not their forte. I've made my personal views on gay marriage clear already, so there's no use in retyping it, but seriously I'm asking all people who are on the fence about this to really take a good look at the organizations backing both sides of the debate. See which one you can honestly see yourself attributed to morally and intellectually. I think the choice will be clear where you'll mark the ballot come November.

I don't need my marriage, or lack thereof, protected by the government nor some church acting with overwhelming zealotry. In fact I sometimes wish both parties would stay out of the institution. Still with all that's going on in this state with our budget crisis you'd think we'd be able to pass this effectively and move on to issues that are more pressing, but no some group of jackasses wants you to think of the poor little children that may be affected by gay unions. Sigh.

"Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the "will of the people" goes out the window." - Bill Maher

Proeliator

I took a walk today embracing the new fall colors. Wintessing nature's paintrbrush is one of the greatest pleasures of residing here, one I hope is as invigorating when I'm ready to cash my monthly Social Security check. While sipping my coffee and enjoying my time I couldn't help but think if I'm really appreciating the experince as much as I should.

I truly believe that good cannot exist without evil. Given that I wonder how much I appreciate all that nature has to offer us. Can I truly absorb how beautiful this is? Would it be more magical say if I were an ancient warrior stepping off the field of a terrible battle? Can I know beauty if I've never experience the true horrors this world has to offer?

Philosophers have been in debate about this for centuries, but it's doubtful man can ever percieve other's perceptions in this matter correctly. All one can do is appreciate the little patch of soil they inhabit to the best of their ability.

I wonder how society would function if people stopped being such whiny jackasses and stopped and...eh who am I kidding.

"A morning-glory at my window satisfies me more than the metaphysics of books." - Walt Whitman

Thursday Music

A friend of mine is often told she looks like various celebrities. From Gennifer Goodwin to Julia Stiles some strangers actually approach her swearing that she works in Hollywood. They do share a common likeness, but the one actress she truly resembles is Reese Witherspoon.

Besides the accent the resemblance is uncanny. She found a picture of Reese from some movie where she has the same pose as my friend's profile pic on Facebook. A double take. It was taken.

Ms. Witherspoon is responsible for me going against my better judgement and watching any and all movies she's in for obvious reasons. Some are quite good (Walk the Line, Freeway) and others not so much (Legally Blonde part 2, Vanity Fair).

So today dear readers I give you Reese singing in the style of June Carter, which I find way hot for reasons I can't explain:



"Well I always wanted to be Dolly Parton when I was a little girl. I was obsessed with her." - Reese Witherspoon

Atra

In Great Britain it's Black History Month and like here in the US they celebrate contributions to the art and political world by those with black heritage. While this is not all that interesting as I can't think of a dark skinned member of Parliament off the top of my head, but what is interesting is what great lengths people will try to rewrite the history of the community's leaders.

One writer for The Guardian has taken it upon himself to take issue with the mostly unknown sexuality of a lot of well known black people and how it's being kept under wraps. The article starts off poorly as lists off many famous blacks who happen to be gay, lesbian, or bi-sexual, but then he claims famous diver Greg Louganis as being black (he was actually Samoan/Swedish).

The writer goes on to take the claim that Malcolm X was once into guys and worked in the sex industry in his younger years before his conversion to the Nation of Islam. Citing a biography that's often viewed as the fairest analysis of the activist's life, he believes the interviews in the book are solid evidence of Mr X's bi-sexuality.

Now besides the obvious errors this journalist cites let's get to the real problem, who cares? The author does have a point that citing someone's sexuality when they're a public figure may give much needed courage to the gay community, but is Black History Month the appropriate context for debate on someone's sexuality? Should it matter who they sleep with when celebrating their accomplishments? And if Malcolm X was indeed bi-sexual would it be a good idea to advertise that fact given that he later joined an organization that is known for shunning homosexuality? Wouldn't that make him the Larry Craig of black activists? Am I just blowing this out my ass?

"It is now time for Black History Month to speak the truth. Malcolm X was bisexual. Get over it." - Peter Tatchell

Malcolm X was bisexual. Get over it

Claudus

I did a bad thing today. I used the disabled stall at work.

Actually I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or not.

Businesses accommodate their consumers and employees by giving them allotted parking spaces that suit various needs. By law they must give a specific amount of disabled parking depending on the size of the lot. A grocery store I frequent even gives a spot for pregnant women so they don't have to trek far while carrying their future spawn. Malls and amusement parks have gone so far as to allow families to have the best parking spaces so the little ones don't have to walk far and get any exercise.

Taking a disabled parking space when you have working limbs is often seen as a no-no of the highest order. People will berate you, cops will fine you, and you'll be perceived to be in a league reserved for people who drive slow in the left lane.

Today I was in the bathroom at work and the small stall was occupied. I enter the large stall normally reserved for people who need the assistance of a large metal bar to sit and stand. While it's not specifically marked for the disabled it's often assumed that it's for the needy. For whatever reason as I sat and gave the bathroom my gift of petal scented poop I imagined a gang of men waiting outside ready to beat me with crutches while tossing colostomy bags in my direction.

"Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in." - Rita Rudner

Antiquus

I'm kind of curious what kind of old man I'll be, if I even live that long. Yes I know some of you are saying that I already am a crotchety bastard who doesn't get the culture of kids nowadays and still isn't sure who Lady Gaga is, but I still have yet to enjoy the early bird special as a result of me waking up at dawn. Usually it's due to me not sleeping the night before.

Nothing makes you feel older than watching kids grow up or seeing old picture of you. My friend Heather decided it would be a great idea to post some shots of me and some friends back in high school on Facebook. It was great taking a trip down memory lane to simpler times, but looking at myself twenty years ago...

So let's play a little game here on One Bad Apple. The mission is to find your author Wiwille in the photo of this sausage fest below. Not even my best friend could point me out.

"Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age." - Victor Hugo

Tantus

The Interntubes. What a wonderful way to publicly humiliate yourself without even trying. It's a task I succumb to on a daily basis given my unique talent of exposing way too much of my thoughts. It's a risk all take when sharing their lives, or at least partially, with the world wide web.

As I've learned, sometimes painfully, there's no hate like Internet hate. Web users are quick to judge, ridicule, and even in some cases threaten those they scorn.

Now Meghan McCain has come under fire for doing the unthinkable. She posted a picture of herself holding a book on Twitter. Oh she also sported massive cleavage as she's gifted in such areas. This created a bit of a firestorm with her critics, who seemed to be less than impressed with her intellect anyways. Being a Republican and the daughter of someone who ran an embarrassing Presidential campaign she used to some scrutiny.

Many called her unsavory names regarding the picture and the Bloggette took it personally. She even threatened (gasp) to stop Twittering.

Now I know some who don't understand my massive crush on John's daughter. We don't often share the same politics nor does sometime she present herself well when discussing them, but she's far better versed than most I know who claim to have a firm grasp on the world body politic. Okay so Meghan may not be Eleanor Roosevelt, but damn....
"To be honest, I don’t feel that I have anything to feel ashamed of. I’ve always embraced my curves and will continue to do so." - Meghan McCain

Don't Call Me a Slut

Thursday Music

My parents were very strict about the music I listened to. Under the mistaken impression that heavy metal, or even pop music, would lead me to a life of devil worship. Seriously. They believe the hype their relatives about how listening to Metallica would render me helpless under the spell of the dark lord.

Seriously.

They went so far as to confiscate all my albums and punish me whatever they felt appropriate. Being rebellious and considering their views on the matter to be ridiculous at best I hid all my albums around my room or at friend's homes and would listen while they weren't around.

Believing that I was dumb enough to do exactly what was projected on television or heard on the radio my choices were limited. What's funny is that they'd let me listen to stuff like this:



"If you play more than two chords, you're showing off." - Woody Guthrie

The Force was with me

As we were making our way to Key Arena the conversation was going well as we discussed how ridiculous Seattle drivers can be.

"IT'S A TRAP," came blaring over my cell phone. We both fell silent as she pondered Admiral Ackbar's frightened announcement to the Rebel fleet. Of course that's set as my text message alert. Finally we both laughed as we tallied up our 'dork points'. I was in the lead. Being a winner and a loser I thought it best to switch my phone to vibrate.

After taking pictures of the various exhibits we both take our seats on the floor awaiting the symphony to strike up the music. We noticed the high production values already as the stage was set. Then the music started with Fox's opening theme. The curtain fell and exposed the musicians who then broke out the Star Wars main theme. The crowd erupted into applause, hooting and hollering as the large HD screen projected a montage sequence of all six films.

Anthony Daniels (C-3PO) was introduced by a voice over by James Earl Jones himself imitating the character that made his voice famous. Daniels took the stage giving a short narration of the story before each sequence. They conductor would raise his baton and we sat and watched a story of the Star Wars universe. We laughed when appropriate, groaned when Leia kissed Luke, got mad when Greedo shot first, and cheered whenever Darth Vader took the screen.

At intermission I asked my friend what she thought. Her face said it all. Excited as I was about how this exceeded our expectations she couldn't control the seven year old inside of her. Even though she was one year old when Return of the Jedi was released she was amazed by the music as well as the visuals.

"Hmm," she said shortly before the symphony took the stage again. "Now we get to the real trilogy." She rules.

"But," I countered. "Maybe they'll show the Clone Wars, or the Star Wars Holiday Special."

"The Star Wars Holiday Special? I've never seen it."

"Do yourself a favor and don't. I'm sorry I even brought it up."

"I want to see The Ewok Adventures." Oh my she remembers those Ewok television specials from back in the day. I told her my sister and I used to watch them constantly when we were little as our parents recorded them for us. Years later I ended up buying them on DVD for her so she and my nephews could enjoy them. Yeah my friend likes the cuddly Wicket. No fan is perfect.

Anthony Daniels came on stage again and introduced the next segment. After another round of songs the show sadly ended and all took a bow to a packed house that was on their feet. A guy in the audience was dressed in Jedi robes with cloth decorated with the American flag. He got some time on the large screen to the amusement of the audience. After exiting the stage Daniels came back and announced an encore. The symphony broke out the Imperial March to an amused and excited crowd.

As we left the arena I pondered what it was I enjoyed about the show so much. Granted it was a quality show that even people who never were a fan of Star Wars would agree, but there was something different. Finally it hit me and I turned to my friend as we strolled through the rain.

"It did what three prequels failed to do. It made me feel like I was eight years old again."

"I thought Star Wars was too wacky for the general public." - George Lucas

Mane

Editors warning: The staff at 'One Bad Apple' recommend highly that for those with a sensitive constitution stop reading immediately. Go back to your syrupy coffee drinks and/or abusing your children in the name of Satan. You may learn things about myself, and other men for that matter, you never wanted to.

It sucks being a man sometimes. Yes I know you women have the whole child birth thing and some of you sleep with hair guys. I have no doubt that it's harder for you than it is men. I feel for your plight against sexism, clothing sizes, and your inability to view the Twilight phenomenon as donkey crap.

Now that that's out of the way.

Men can and often do get hard at a moment's notice. For reasons unbeknownst to us we'll wake up stiff and there's little we can do about it except imagine Jabba the Hutt giving Bea Arthur a sponge bath. If that fails we display skills normally reserved for a Cirque De Sole acrobat when using the restroom in the early hours. Sadly spontaneous wood doesn't happen to us only when we roll out of bed.

When I was but a wee teen it took nothing more than a change in the wind to be at half mast. I could never understand why that was the case, but it lead to many an embarrassing incident. I take some comfort in the fact that I never went through what one poor classmate did. Still there were times I wouldn't go to the blackboard, or stand at all for that matter. Dates consisted of careful placement of items across the lap. School dances were...well...

I was under the mistaken impression that these kind of incidents wouldn't happen when I got older. Anyways to the lady at Safeway, no it was not you that was the cause of whatever it was you saw. In fact you didn't see anything. Move along and fill your cart with heaping amounts of Captain Crunch and be happy.

"I probably have become more infamous from two misdemeanors than probably anyone I could think of." - Paul Reubens

Rudis

"Yeah," she said. "I'm not what you call politically correct."

"Oh yeah," I responded. I already knew this. Growing up near Philly she definitely had some east coast sensibilities when it came to vocalizing her thoughts. We were on our fourth pint and her lips became more loose with each sip.

"I don't get how PC you guys are out here. Everyone is so concerned with other's feelings. If people are offended it's their problem. I'm just making humour."

She had a point. Seattle is known for being very tolerant and accepting, but the truth is it's hardly a place that embraces ideas outside the norm of liberal sensibilities. Occupying a small place in the Puget Sound I've learned one thing. Self righteousness is in no way exclusive to conservatives as I once mistakenly thought.

But what has become of us north westerners? Are we softer than our liberal east coast brethren? Have we not learned the lessons of George Carlin or Lenny Bruce? We're known for our passive/aggressive mentality, but do we fear confrontation or value others' opinions that much? On the flip side do we as Seatllites really have true compassion for those who may be hurt by words, even though our minority population is slimmer than most urban areas?

I sat with my roommate later and we discussed the issue. It was refreshing, if not as fun, to talk with an actual minority about language without alcohol clouding my brain. He understands that when I tell him he's a traitor to his race when he displays a trait that breaks all stereotypes of Mexicans that I do it in good humor. I'm really making fun of the white trash culture I grew up in where many harbored such ridiculous thoughts. The banter is fun and he is comfortable enough in his heritage to understand context is key.

I recognize that not all are like my roommate, but sometimes I'm prone to forget and put my foot in my mouth. I think I'll always be that way for reasons that may include stubbornness.

"I've always thought that the stereotype of the dirty old man is really the creation of a dirty young man who wants the field to himself." - Hugh Downs

Thursday Music

As some of you may be aware I'll be traveling overseas to Australia in February. I'm excited to take a couple weeks of vacation down under, but it's got me to thinking about music and how I will relate to the locals.

Years ago I spent about a week and a half in Germany and every time I got the opportunity to talk to an english speaking German I would ask them why David Hasselhoff was so huge in Duetschland. They would claim it's Baywatch, but after further inquiry they would just shake their head and resign the fact that their country men really enjoyed that amount of suckage.

Still I was grateful to hear some response even if it didn't get me any closer to solving the mystery of the Knight Rider star's appeal. I thanked them for KMFDM, but oddly no one knew what I was talking about. Apparently that German band is only big here. Makes sense considering that the record label that brought us the angry Euro-trash industrial band is based in Chicago.

Are Australians similar? Do they latch on to a phenomenon created by a talentless Yank which largely eluded us? I mean Benny Hill was reportedly a flop in Great Britain, which astounds me. Is Carrot Top huge over there? Do they love their local bands like AC/DC or are they more popular off shore?

I know one thing though. I will thank each and every Australian, drunk or no, for the pleasure that has been bestowed upon us with the greatness that is Icehouse's 'Electric Blue'.

"God bless America. God save the Queen. God defend New Zealand and thank Christ for Australia." - Russell Crowe



You're welcome.

Placidus

The UN has taken a step back from it's finely tuned daily strongly worded letters to countries breaking security council resolutions to an issue that I partake in everyday, free speech. The Obama administration has decided to jump on board with the human rights commission in accepting it's draft regarding expression.

Depending on who you ask this resolution, which was a comprise between Canada and Egypt, is of little consequence other than sending nations a message that their citizens and media outlets should respect race and religion. All countries are asked to have private entities censor themselves when it comes to speech that may stereotype someone based on skin color and ideology. In addition it is expected that they assign what they feel is appropriate checks and balances on news and entertainment that may offend someone.

Again this is fairly harmless as it's the UN and enforcement of their own resolutions is all but nill, but the precedence it sets can be cause for alarm. While I'm all for people using free speech responsibly I'm wary of any kind of enforcement of protecting the sensibilities of the delicate, especially when it comes to religion. While I'm sure a lot of this is due to people who can't live in civilized society and choose to respond violently when their precious God has been mocked, there's still no excusing any idea of censorship. If I want to berate L. Ron Hubbard, Joseph Smith, or even the church of the Aryan nation I should and will do so without fear of reprisal.

Yes in a perfect world we should respect religion, but I'll be damned if I give mine if the ideology doesn't earn it. My God, or lack thereof, is fair game. That's the price of free expression and one I'm willing to pay.

My high horse. I ride it.

"The United States is very pleased to present this joint project with Egypt. This initiative is a manifestation of the Obama administration's commitment to multilateral engagement throughout the United Nations and of our genuine desire to seek and build cooperation based upon mutual interest and mutual respect in pursuit of our shared common principles of tolerance and the dignity of all human beings." - Douglas Griffiths

Wiwille is lazy

In the tradition of ripping off WIGSF I stole this 69 question meme, which I swear was written by a fourteen year old girl who just discovered MySpace:

1. The phone rings; who do you want it to be? Her.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? I'm a bachelor. I only carry baskets unless I need toilet paper or something. Plus it helps budget. If it doesn't fit in the basket it means I bought too much. But yeah in the rare occasions I do return the carts with pride.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? Depends on the situation really and how much I've had to drink.

4. Do you take compliments well? Depends on what they're referring to, but normally I do.
5. Do you play Sudoku? A friend tried to teach me how to play the other night. It didn't go well.
6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? Sure. How long would I survive? Well depends. I was a boy scout and I know how to properly crap in the woods.

7. Do you like to ride horses? I do actually. Sometimes I'd like to shake things up and ride a horse through downtown wearing nothing but a loin cloth and brandishing a spear. I like to make everyone's day a little more surreal.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? I did. Football camp.

9. What was your favorite game as a kid? Battleship
10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew she was married, would you go for it? If it was Scarlett I say hell yes.

11. Have you lied to get out of a date? Looking back I actually have. Way back in high school. She found out. It sucked.
12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? Depends on the belief and if she demanded that I partake in hers. I don't see myself converting to Scientology.
13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued? I like the thrill of the hunt.

14. Use three words to describe yourself? Bag of awesome.

15. Do any songs make you cry? Some have, some have made me angry that someone that it was a good idea to produce such crap.

16. Are you continuing your education? I always learn something new. The other day I found out that Berklee College of Music is in fact not in Berkley CA. Doh!
17. Do you know how to shoot a gun? I do.
18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed? Wallet, phone, keys.
19. How often do you read books? I read when I poop, so every day.
20. Do you think more about the past, present or future? The future and the upcoming apocalypse.
21. What is your favorite children’s book? The Lorax.
22. What color are your eyes? Brown.
23. How tall are you? 5'10
24. Where is your dream house located? Italy.
25. Do you have a secret fetish? It's a secret.
26. Have you tried sushi? Many times.

27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? I have.
28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?About a month ago.

29. When was the last time you were at Church? It's been a while.
30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today? Work.
31. What was your favorite job? Studio photographer.

32. Do you like mustard? I like the spicy hot kind.
33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? Sleep.
34. Do you look like your mom or dad? I look a lot like my Dad, but it's funny that I share no blood with him.
35. How long does it take you in the shower? Depends on what exactly I'm doing in there.

36. Can you do the splits? Never have, never will.
37. What movie do you want to see right now? Once.

38. If you could fast forward your life, would you? Nah.
39. What did you do for New Year’s? Sat at a dive bar and was annoyed with some random old drunk who called himself the pillar of the community.

40. Do you think The Grudge was scary? Never saw it.

41. Could you relate to a character in Mean Girls? Not that I can recall, but it doesn't help I was never a girl in high school.

42. Do you own a camera phone? I do.

43. Do you have an “ex box” with pics and letters from past lovers? I used to.

44. Was your mom a cheerleader? She was not.
45. What’s the last letter of your middle name? S
46. Do you like your middle name? Sure.
47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? Anywhere from 5-8
48. Do you like care bears? Not a fan.
49. What do you buy at the movies? Reese's Pieces and Sprite.
50. Do you know how to play poker? Not well.

51. Do you wear your seat belt? I do.
52. What do you wear to sleep? Boxers and tshirt.
53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown? Quiet Riot once played there. That's how exciting that bustling metropolis got.

54. How many meals do you eat a day? Three
55. Is your tongue pierced? Never even considered it.
56. Ever meet anyone you met on myspace? I've met bloggers, but never anyone random on MySpace. I have with some Facebook folks though.
57. Do you read myspace bulletins? Why would anyone want to read another meme...oh wait..

58. Do you like funny or serious people better? I like to laugh. I'm serious enough for most.
59. Ever been to L.A.? A few times.
60. Did you eat a cookie today? I should.
61. Do you use cuss words in other languages? Sometimes.

62. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads? Pay.
63. Do you hate chocolate? Don't hate it, but not much of a fan. Actually I love white chocolate.

64. What do you and your parents fight about the most? What don't they fight about?

65. Are you a gullible person? I can be at times, mostly when it comes to females.
66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? No, but you do if you want to see your bank account disappear.

67. If you could have any job what would it be? Fighter pilot.

68. Are you easy to get along with? I would believe so. Others might disagree.
69. What is your favorite time of day? Miller time.

"It’s got 69 questions. Make your own jokes please. I can’t be bothered." - WIGSF

Incommodo

The night went on as usual with the four of us drinking, playing Star Wars Monopoly and laughing at ourselves while attempting to answer questions correctly in Trivial Pursuit. As usual the evening wound down and conversation flowed. Laughs were shared as we drank our beers.

A friend, who asks that she doesn't be named on this blog, asked Corey and I what annoys us most about women. Corey shot his hand up and started mimicking a motor mouth.

"Talking," he said. "Girls that won't shut up."

The girls then looked at me and asked what mine was. I paused for a bit unsure of how to word what I was thinking. The list was so long it was hard to come up with just one, but it finally came to me.

"Drama," I proclaimed. "Girls that seem to have an almost instinctive need for drama. I'm talking those who will look for it when it doesn't exist. Maybe it's me and I just bring out the worst in females, but that and women who believe that they deserve everything and nothing will be good enough for them drive me nuts."

Corey then went on about a girl he once dated and how she fit that exact description. I know exactly what he's talking about as I've had a few. The women in the room looked at each other and nodded their heads. What they were thinking is anyone's guess. Perhaps we guys are the batty ones for not accepting our fate and learning to just try and deal. We're guys though. We don't change.

"No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree." - W. C. Fields

Thursday Music

We all have guilty pleasure music. Yes you once boogied down to Snow's 'Informer'. You loved it too.

There are those guilty pleasures which skirt the line of quality. We can't help but listen to some bands and wonder if they'll become the new Limp Biskit or Creed. Actually for those of you who still insist on listening to Nickleback, for whatever reason, you can be sure that someday you'll be just as ashamed of subjecting yourself to their bag of suck as you were when you cleaned out your closet and found your C&C Music Factory album.

Still I'm surprised that some bands are considered by many to be tools. I missed the memo that said you must hate the already mentioned Creed. Not that I was ever a big fan, but damn there was far worse music out there. I can't wrap my head around the fact that the masses haven't risen up and cried no to the world's loudest boy band Lynkin Park yet, but I digress....

I'll probably hate myself for listening to this at some point:

"I think everything worked out the way it was supposed to. Mark's happier. I'm sober. There are still phone calls to be made, people I need to say something to. But everyone from Creed who I've offended or hurt, I ask for their forgiveness." - Scott Stapp